What I've been up to

Yes, I understand that I have been MIA for the last few days. Well, excuse me for having a life. HA, just kidding I have no life but I like to think I do. Really, I was a POW and it will pry continue for the rest of the week but I will explain that later in this blog. First, I am going to go thru all the reasons AFL thought I have been MIA and explain them.
1. "I shacked up with the Security Guard again." Actually, I have no idea where this said security guard has gone. I haven't seen him for about...hmmm...well since the last time I talked about him. Maybe he was taken back to Mexico where he belongs. (Shit did I just say that outloud? Damn it now I am going to HELL!)
2. "Mighty D made it to Lincoln." Well, he may have but since I know nothing about what he looks like, age, nothing...he could have been any of the worthless creeps that were honking at me today while I was on my damn walk. I don't go on these walks looking good. I go looking like shit. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HONKING AT ME. No you don't need to take a triple take, keep your eyes on the road. If you wreck don't expect we to give you mouth to mouth so watch where you are going.
3. "I've fallen and I can't get up" Actually, I did "biff" it at work on Monday so I am a little banged up but I can still walk. That one goes out the window...NEXT.
4. "I'm crawling around on the floor looking for my sippy cup." Shit, after this week I am going to need about 3000 sippy cups.
5. "I found the short short boy on the walking trail and duct taped his weenie, but accidently tapped myself to his crotch and are being drug all over the walking path."
I wish I would have seen him today that would have been a highlight. However, if I would have taped myself to his crotch...he has a mighty strong crotch, he must do crotch exercises. And if he would have just drug me around instead of helping me, I would have given him the "Loretta Bobet" treatment and CUT HIS LITTLE PECKER OFF!
6. "I'm washing out condoms I found on the trails." I went back to look for them today but I think that the rains washed them into the "shit" creek. I couldn't find them. The tampon survived but the condoms didn't. Underlying meaning...women are stronger then men. Sorry guys that is just the way it is...it is the rules.
7. "I'm trolling." Well, I wasn't kidnapped by them thank god, but I have seen them everyday this week. It was like x-mas for them this week, they always get 2 slices of yellow american cheese, but it was on sale this week so they have gotten 4 slices everyday. Yippy for them. I have seen one of them crying 2 of the 4 days this week. Why you ask? HELL IF I KNOW, I don't ask them questions because I am afraid that if they talk I will die of the stinch of their breath. Seeing them so much this week has made me start to try to figure them out. I got one question answered. The reason that they always come in every day is because they don't have a fridge therefore they can only buy enough parishable food for one day becuase they have nowhere to keep it. DAMN I AM GOOD!
8. "I'm playing hide and seek with myself and can't find myself." There are actually some pretty good places to hide so I was testing them out for the next time that I do play hide and seek. Then I pretended to be other people who couldn't find me. After sitting alone, soaked from the rain, cold and hungry I decided that I would never play with the people I was pretending to be becuase I wouldn't be patient enough to wait for their stupid asses to find me. I then came home and ate some ice cream.
9. "I got lost geocaching" Actually this is possible. Sometimes you forget to mark where the car is parked and spend more time looking for the car than you did looking for the fucking cache. Shit happens when you are a dumbass I guess.
10. "I don't love her anymore." Ok, she knows that I still love her an always will so that one is for sure out the window.

Now, here is where I have really been. We will start with Sunday so you get a background.
Sunday: At work, I took an order to cater for 50 people about $400 or so. It is set for this coming Sunday. No biggy, I will have to work to get everything ready for it and deliver it becuase Barb and I are the only ones in our department allowed to drive the new van. However, the schedule has already been made so my 1 extra hour is already going to be used up before the week even starts. *I only get 40 hours a week before overtime and if you get overtime, you get shot on the spot.*
Monday: I get order ready for our paper products and ask Barb to place food order b/c she has the inventory list. I then take an order for 260 pieces of chicken and some side fixings. About $600 for Tuesday at 1130 am. I then run around like a chicken with my head cut off to find some stuff that was stollen that we need to finish inventory. I realize invoices have been eaten by goats and I spend 45 minutes cusing at these fucking goats. Barb comes in and realizes that she forgot to place her part of the order. Do that real quick and start to get stuff ready for Tuesday's catering.
Tuesday: I come in at 7am to help with the catering, we fry chicken for 4 hours non-stop. It is supposed to be my day off and I am now stressing...only 2 days into this weeks schedule...about not getting overtime. Yippy that means I get one day off this week. How great.
Wednsday: I come to work as usual, get everything done. Amanda and I rock when we work together even though we take our time doing everything. We have a meeting and the only thing I can focus on is this red blob that seems to be growing out of the inner corner of one of my co-workers eye. *Gag* No worries, I didn't really need to listen b/c I am the assistant damn it. Went to another store to get some popcorn for our store and talked with our old store director...man I miss him. Go back to our store to whiny old crow.
Thursday: I get a call at 10am. Barb asks if I can come in so she can place an order. Wonder to myself why person there with Barb can't work alone for 15 minutes like usual but brush it off. Go to work only to find out that other person got hit by a driver who ran a stoplight. The other driver then drove away. Why? My guess is because they were an illegal alien who had no driver's license, car license (no plates), no insurance and would have been shipped back to mexico where he belongs. Co-worker=F-ed up car and a strained muscle in neck because she is too stupid to wear her damn seatbelt.
So, there fore I have been MIA because I have been a POW. A Prisoner of WORK. Yep, everyday this damn week is when I will be working so when I am not at work I am trying to catch up on things that I didn't get done when I usually do b/c I don't have that free time this week. FUCK WORK!