Oooo, the things that annoy me (at work)

For the most part, I enjoy my job. There are customers that just make my day when they come in, however there are also those who royally PISS ME OFF. These assholes enjoy coming in early in the morning in order to screw my day from the start. Then if I start to get a little better, the TROLLS come in and make me want to rip my hair out.***
1. DO NOT come in at 6:30 and expect me to be cheerful when you ask me to special cut you some lunchmeat. WE DON'T OPEN TIL 7! Walk around and come back in 30 minutes.
2. DO NOT ask me to make an entire pot of decaf coffee. I will end up wasting over 40 cups because no one else besides you wants any. What the hell is the point of coffee with no CAFFINE??? And IF I make you the coffee BUY MORE THAN 12 FUCKING OUNCES.
3. DON'T make me open a new package of meat when I just opened one 10 minutes ago. The meat is not bad...I JUST OPENED IT. Be happy that I cut it special for you anyway.
4. Don't come to my department and ask me to slice a ham that you bought for the meat department. THEY WILL DO IT IF YOU ASK THEM TOO. It is taking my time and my departments hours for another department...yes it will piss me off. However, since I am such a great worker I will do it for you. BUT BITCH IF YOU ASK ME TO DO IT AGAIN AND YOU ONCE AGAIN DO NOT SAY THANK YOU I WILL NEVER EVER EVER DO IT FOR YOU FAT ASS AGAIN.
5. If there are 10 people at the hot case don't expect to be in and out in 10 seconds. The people in front of you will want everything just right. Take a deep breath and deal with it.
6. If you are a bitch to me...I will be a bitch to you! If you talk to me like I am a 2 year old...I will talk to you the same way. That is just how I am.
7. Do not turn into the trolls. Do not ask for 45 cents of mac and cheese. Don't ask if the mac and cheese is plain. IT IS THE SAME EVERY FUCKING DAY! Don't ask for me to open a new package of bologna so I can slice you a piece worth 25 cents I WON'T DO IT! Don't ask for beef and noodles but without the beef, I will not pick every piece of meat out for you. And finally (today's occurrance) you walk up to the case every day and when we ask you what you want you say you are just looking. You then come back later. DO NOT get pissed when we don't walk up to you right away, we know you are going to say you are looking and you will be back. Then when you do come back, don't sneak your skinny little smelly ass up to the counter and start yelling at me that you need help. I WILL YELL BACK.
T: HEY HEY I NEED YOU TO GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME!
N: YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU JUST WALKED UP AND I DIDN'T SEE YOU. YOU WEREN'T EVEN STANDING THERE FOR 5 SECONDS SO YOU CAN JUST HOLD ON UNTIL I FINISH WHAT I AM DOING AND NEVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN OR I WILL NOT BE HELPING YOU!
T: Oh, okay.
8. Don't talk to me like I don't know what I am talking about. I AM THE FUCKING ASSISTANT MANAGER, YOU DON'T EVEN WORK HERE. I am pretty sure I know my deli a lot better than you do so shut the hell up.
9. Think about the question you are going to ask before you ask it. It will save you from looking like a complete dumbass and it will save me from wanting to scream WHAT THE HELL KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT???
10. To top off my day, I had to make a sign for "Tropical Days" a week long sale that we have going on. Making this sign left my hands looking like the care bears took a shit in my hands. I have every color of paing on them and it doesn't wash right off.
The list goes on and on but this is all that I have for right now. I will be adding as need be.