Oh what a night. (LONG)

As some of you may know, today was a Husker game and my boyfriend just happened to be lucky enough to get tickets. That could only mean one thing...up at 8 to start drinking, stop when the bars kick everyone out. No big deal, I am not his mommy, he is a big boy and can take care of himself right???? WRONG!! I get a call at 12:50, I'm guessing right after last call. The conversation goes something like this.
R: Hi, how are you feeling?
B(boyfriend)(slurring): Great you?
R: Not as good as you apparently.
B: Where is my car? I can't find my car.
R: Where did you park.
B: Right where I am standing, someone stole my car.
R: Uh.
B: Do you still have my password to order pizza saved on your computer?
R: Don't know let me check.
*Checking...nopers.
R: No, the password isn't saved.
B: Order me a pizza.
R: What do you want.
B: Order me a pizza from online.
R: I don't know your password.
(He tells me but I can't understand b/c of him slurring)
B: Oh, if everything works out okay I am staying the night at your house.
R: Okay, thats fine, better than you driving home.
B: Did you order my pizza? Where is my car? I hate elevators.
R: What kind of pizza do you want?
B: Pepperoni.
R: K.
B: But get half hambuger for you.
R: I'm not hungry.
B: Get a half and half and make it a large.
R: Ok I'll get you a pizza.
B: I'll call you back.
*2 minutes later and pizza ordered.*
B: I can't find my car can you drive down O to pick me up.
R: Well hold on, I got to load Olivia up.
B: Just grab her real quick.
R: Ok, where are you at?
B: Looking for my car.
R: I know...where at?
B: Are you looking for my car too?
R: Ugh, no you just asked me to come pick you up where are you?
B: On, 10th and N no 14th and N.
*5 minutes later after trying to figure out where he is, him telling me he is going to lay in the middle of the street to wait for me, gets talked to by a cop b/c you can't lay in the middle of the street, random guy comes over to help him get out of the middle of the street*
B: I see you.
R: Ok, well I don't see you so I'll park and you can walk over here.
B: No back up and come pick me up.
*He's walking down the middle of the fuckin street.*
*Gets in the car, rolls down window, passes out, wakes up, asks why I haven't turned, slouches over...me hoping that he doesn't puke in the car...yuck.*
*Get home and walk around to take Olivia out of the car seat*
B: You have her in the car?
R: No, I left he in the apartment by herself.
B: Oh, well I pry would have b/c I am a bad parent. (He is really a great parent just a horrible drunk)
*Go inside and get him water and tell him if he needs to puke he better make it to the bathroom*
*Pizza comes*
*Go to get more water and a plate for the pizza, turn around as he sprints to the bathroom and proceeds to puke for at least 20 or 30 minutes. I take him the water and he pukes some more*
*Finally comes out, lays down on couch.*
R: Want me to put your pizza in the fridge?
B: No.
R: Well your not going to eat it right now are you?
B: Yeah I am.
R: Ok, oh and you better be ready to get up by 3 b/c I have to be at work by 4.
B: Ok, no problem.
*He passes out on the couch snoring*
*He didn't even eat any FUCKING pizza that he was throwing such a big fit about.*
*I decide to stay up all night b/c it does me no good to get 1 hr of sleep.*
So here I am...AND OH BOY DOES HE OWE ME!!!