Stupid

So as you may know from reading my previous posts...I really dislike criminals...I MEAN REALLY DISLIKE. Well, here are some criminals that are about as stupid as they come...please enjoy.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. *MMMMM, bet that tasted good...nothing like eating SHIT. Serves him right.*

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested. *I actually heard one like this only the criminal misdialed a number and got a cop instead of the person he was TRYING TO SELL DRUGS TOO. So the cop just agreed and busted him when they met...HE HE HE.*

David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind. *Well, he didn't get his money's worth*

Oklahoma City -Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your [expletive] head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "-if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommend a 30-year sentence. *Open mouth insert foot...you better put something in your mouth b/c once you get to jail you foot will be the BEST THING in your mouth.*

R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officers asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed that Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri. *Nothing like handcuffing yourself and placing yourself in the backseat of the cop car.*

A man in Bartlesville, Oklahoma, learned the hard way that giving a cop a “wet willie” after his arrest on October 4 was a bad idea.
Court records state that the man, identified as 38-year-old Louis Carlos Perales, had another assault-and-battery-on-a-police-officer charge added to his rap sheet after he put his finger in his mouth and then into an officer’s ear.
Perales was already under arrest for threats to kill and public intoxication at the time of the incident.
According to police, officers were called out to a residence on the 200 block of N.W. Mistletoe in reference to a domestic assault. Officers were told that the suspect was not currently at the residence but was on his way there.
Officers saw Perales exit a white SUV and “immediately started crowding” an officer. The report indicates that Perales was “loud, belligerent, and uttering a steady stream of profanity towards his wife.” Police allege that Perales told his wife “You better be gone when I get out because I’m going to kill you,” in Spanish.
Perales’ wife told police that problems started when her husband was drinking at a party in Caney, Kansas. He reportedly began threatening other party guests before going into a rage, pulling her hair and tossing her around. She said that she left Perales at the party. When she found out that another family member was bringing him home, she called the cops.
Perales’ bail was set at $10,000. *Oh, this is one of my favorites...not only is he stupid, but he is about as childish as they come...try giving a big inmate a "wet willy" see how that works for you.*

Chicago: A man was wanted for throwing bricks through jewelry store windows and making off with the loot. He was arrested last night after throwing a brick into a Plexiglas window...the brick bounced back, hit him in the head and knocked him cold until the police got there. *That is almost as good as people trying to walk thru big glass windows.*

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out. *Oh for FUCK SAKE. Stupid judge.*

An off-duty police officer in Newark, NJ, had a pistol-shaped cigarette lighter, which he had been using all night while drinking at a local tavern. After many hours and drinks, he apparently mistook his 32 revolver for the lighter. When he went to light his cigarette, he shot and killed John Fazzola, who was seated 5 stools away at the bar... *Throw the book at him for not looking before he leaps.*

Lake City, Florida: Karen Lee Joachimi, 20, was arrested for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chainsaw, which was not plugged in. *Give me your money or I will cut your...on shit, do you have an extention cord?*

Levelland, Texas: E.C. Stewart, Jr. may never get out of jail after the District Attorney recommended last week that his bail be set at "a zillion dollars". The judge agreed. *Yes, I can get out for "a zillion dollars"...wait, um, can I try again?*

Dumb Criminal in Omaha, NE (Sent in by Anna...Thanks Anna!). I was flagged down by a citizen whose vehicle had stalled at an intersection. If he would not have flagged me down, I would not have noticed his vehicle was stalled. He asked me to order a tow truck for him because his cell phone was not working. When asked for his name (Jonathan), he couldn't spell it correctly. And because he did not have any form of identification on him, I became a little suspicious. I asked him if I could look inside his vehicle, he joyfully said yes. When he stood up, he dropped a baggy containing 3 grams of cocaine from his lap. When I searched him, he had an additional 14.5 grams of rock cocaine, 5 grams of marijuana and 2 marijuana pipes in his shorts pocket. I eventually found out his real name was "Craig" and he had a felony and a misdemeanor warrant on file, hence the alias "Jonathan". Of course, I ordered the tow truck for him! *Yeah, Nebraska...we breed 'em smrt too...te he*

Oh the list goes on and on and no worries, I will add to it as I find some more awesomely stupid criminals...just stay tuned.