Think about it

Amazing disappearing woman

2008-01-10T06:06:00.000-08:00

Just a little side note. My computer bit the dust a few months ago so I haven't been about to get on in that time. I have since gotten a promotion at work, my daughter is growing and become more fun every day. Hopefully I can get some pics posted in the next month. I might not be on too much the next month though because I am moving in with my boyfriend so I have tons of packing, cleaning, and moving to do. Then shortly after we get moved we are traveling to Colorado with my friend and her hubby to go skiing for a few days. I will try my best to keep everyone up to date and post some pictures as soon as I can. In the mean time, be good, have fun and luvs.

Stupid

2007-10-15T18:07:00.000-07:00

So as you may know from reading my previous posts...I really dislike criminals...I MEAN REALLY DISLIKE. Well, here are some criminals that are about as stupid as they come...please enjoy.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. *MMMMM, bet that tasted good...nothing like eating SHIT. Serves him right.*

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested. *I actually heard one like this only the criminal misdialed a number and got a cop instead of the person he was TRYING TO SELL DRUGS TOO. So the cop just agreed and busted him when they met...HE HE HE.*

David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind. *Well, he didn't get his money's worth*

Oklahoma City -Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your [expletive] head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "-if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommend a 30-year sentence. *Open mouth insert foot...you better put something in your mouth b/c once you get to jail you foot will be the BEST THING in your mouth.*

R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officers asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed that Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri. *Nothing like handcuffing yourself and placing yourself in the backseat of the cop car.*

A man in Bartlesville, Oklahoma, learned the hard way that giving a cop a “wet willie” after his arrest on October 4 was a bad idea.
Court records state that the man, identified as 38-year-old Louis Carlos Perales, had another assault-and-battery-on-a-police-officer charge added to his rap sheet after he put his finger in his mouth and then into an officer’s ear.
Perales was already under arrest for threats to kill and public intoxication at the time of the incident.
According to police, officers were called out to a residence on the 200 block of N.W. Mistletoe in reference to a domestic assault. Officers were told that the suspect was not currently at the residence but was on his way there.
Officers saw Perales exit a white SUV and “immediately started crowding” an officer. The report indicates that Perales was “loud, belligerent, and uttering a steady stream of profanity towards his wife.” Police allege that Perales told his wife “You better be gone when I get out because I’m going to kill you,” in Spanish.
Perales’ wife told police that problems started when her husband was drinking at a party in Caney, Kansas. He reportedly began threatening other party guests before going into a rage, pulling her hair and tossing her around. She said that she left Perales at the party. When she found out that another family member was bringing him home, she called the cops.
Perales’ bail was set at $10,000. *Oh, this is one of my favorites...not only is he stupid, but he is about as childish as they come...try giving a big inmate a "wet willy" see how that works for you.*

Chicago: A man was wanted for throwing bricks through jewelry store windows and making off with the loot. He was arrested last night after throwing a brick into a Plexiglas window...the brick bounced back, hit him in the head and knocked him cold until the police got there. *That is almost as good as people trying to walk thru big glass windows.*

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out. *Oh for FUCK SAKE. Stupid judge.*

An off-duty police officer in Newark, NJ, had a pistol-shaped cigarette lighter, which he had been using all night while drinking at a local tavern. After many hours and drinks, he apparently mistook his 32 revolver for the lighter. When he went to light his cigarette, he shot and killed John Fazzola, who was seated 5 stools away at the bar... *Throw the book at him for not looking before he leaps.*

Lake City, Florida: Karen Lee Joachimi, 20, was arrested for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chainsaw, which was not plugged in. *Give me your money or I will cut your...on shit, do you have an extention cord?*

Levelland, Texas: E.C. Stewart, Jr. may never get out of jail after the District Attorney recommended last week that his bail be set at "a zillion dollars". The judge agreed. *Yes, I can get out for "a zillion dollars"...wait, um, can I try again?*

Dumb Criminal in Omaha, NE (Sent in by Anna...Thanks Anna!). I was flagged down by a citizen whose vehicle had stalled at an intersection. If he would not have flagged me down, I would not have noticed his vehicle was stalled. He asked me to order a tow truck for him because his cell phone was not working. When asked for his name (Jonathan), he couldn't spell it correctly. And because he did not have any form of identification on him, I became a little suspicious. I asked him if I could look inside his vehicle, he joyfully said yes. When he stood up, he dropped a baggy containing 3 grams of cocaine from his lap. When I searched him, he had an additional 14.5 grams of rock cocaine, 5 grams of marijuana and 2 marijuana pipes in his shorts pocket. I eventually found out his real name was "Craig" and he had a felony and a misdemeanor warrant on file, hence the alias "Jonathan". Of course, I ordered the tow truck for him! *Yeah, Nebraska...we breed 'em smrt too...te he*

Oh the list goes on and on and no worries, I will add to it as I find some more awesomely stupid criminals...just stay tuned.

Black Bean Couscous

2007-10-12T12:35:00.000-07:00

I bet you are wondering what the heck this blog can be about with a name like that...well, the blog has nothing to do with the title, I just needed something different. Anywho...
*I went shopping last night for a few things and stopped at Sears to get a new pair of tennis shoes since it is starting to get cold and my tootsies don't like the cold when I wear my flip-flops. I found a pair that I LOVED. There were 2 employees standing less than 5 feet away however they managed to completely ignore me. So, since I have "midget feet" or so some call them...and I wear a size 7, I just tried on the display shoe. Sure enough it fit like cinderella's slipper. Finally, one of the employees came over and asked if I needed anything.
N: Yeah, I want these in size 7.
DA (dumbass): Ok *Goes to back room for a couple minutes, then other employee heads back that way. Comes out with shoe I gave him from display.*
DA: We only have one pair left.
N: Ok, I want them.
DA: *Starts to take shoe out of box*
N: I don't need to try them on, I already did while you were over there talking and not paying attention to your customers.
DA: Oh.
*Go to cash register...my favorite part of the story*
DA: *rings up my shoes* Total is $51.35.
N: *hand him 3-$20's and 2-$1's...$62*
DA: *Dumbfounded stupid ass blank confused look on his face*
N: I gave you $62 right?
DA: Yeah but it is only $51.35
N: Yeah I understand but I gave you that much b/c then I will get a $10 and some change back instead of $1's.
DA: Oh, so that is the way you wanted it then.
* Honestly...don't you learn to count change at age 8...does that mean that he didn't pass like 3rd grade. Ugh, use your f***ing brain stupid*

*This morning on the radio they were having a discussion about high school students smoking during school outside. One lady called in on her 'smoke break' and said that she thought students should be able to smoke outside during school b/c there was nothing wrong with it and they weren't hurting anyone. Now, I don't care what students do on their own time, before school, after school, or during lunch but I am not OK with my tax $'s paying for the teachers and students wasting their time by doing something else...no matter what it is. Anyway, that isn't the point of this part. The lady continued to say that smoking wasn't bad for you...it causes cancer but whatever. She followed that by saying students should be allowed 15 minute breaks during school to smoke b/c it calms them and helps them concentrate JUST LIKE A HEALTHY BREAKFAST. WTF???? Calming them I can understand but HOW THE HELL can you compare smoking to a HEALTHY breakfast. There in nothing healthy about smoking...I give this woman the FUCKING STUPID QUOTE AND LOGIC OF THE YEAR. So, I don't care if you smoke, your life do what you want. Just don't waste my tax dollars and don't compare it to HEALTHY anything.

Oh what a morning (cont)

2007-09-30T21:36:00.000-07:00

This is a continuation blog from last night. So, I got ready for work and woke the baby up to feed her so she goes back to sleep for the sitter. Woke B up...only took 3 tries to tell him that we needed to go get his car.
R: Get up, we need to get your car so I can go to work.
B: No, its good I'll stay here.
R: You have to work at 8 so you can't...get up.
B: Ok.
*walk outside, put baby in car seat, B hands me his keys and wallet
R: What are you doing? I those are your keys.
B: I know, this is your car.
R: Yeah and your keys aren't going to work in my car. Get in the car.
B: Ok
R: So, where do I need to go to get to your car.
B: Down south (he lives on the south side of town).
R: No, you drove to the game yesterday so you car is downtown...where at.
B: South.
R: No, downtown...where at???
B: Downtown. 12th and N.
*Drive to 12th and N and drop him off.
R: Call when you find your car.
B: Okay, thank you bye.
*Drive 5 blocks away and phone rings.
R: Hello?
B: This is the wrong garage.
R: So you need me to come pick you up?
B: Yes please.
*Go back and pick him up...sit and wait for him only for him to exit the wrong part of the garage and end up 3 blocks away.
R: So, where the hell did you park?
B: Well, Jeff and I walked to it from the bars b/c he needed deoderant b/c he puked on himself and the bar. I think it is over there.
*Drive thru 3 FUCKING PARKING GARAGES and finally find the fucking car.
*B says sorry about 600 times and I finally just stop talking to him b/c I am so pissed (I still have to drop olivia off at the sitter and get to work so I am gonig to be late.)
*Find his car but he doesn't have any cash to get out of the garage so I give him cash and he tries to give me his ATM card.
*Needless to say I was only 7 minutes late.
*I don't understand how you can't remember where your car is but whatever.
*He parked it there b/c it was the parking garage that we park in when we go to the movies so he thought he would remember (AFL)
*He hates elevators b/c they are slow and he doens't like to wait (Ellie's mommie)(but he was too lazy to take the stairs)
*Why do you want more pics of my tummy? (Dyck)

Oh what a night. (LONG)

2007-09-29T23:54:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, today was a Husker game and my boyfriend just happened to be lucky enough to get tickets. That could only mean one thing...up at 8 to start drinking, stop when the bars kick everyone out. No big deal, I am not his mommy, he is a big boy and can take care of himself right???? WRONG!! I get a call at 12:50, I'm guessing right after last call. The conversation goes something like this.
R: Hi, how are you feeling?
B(boyfriend)(slurring): Great you?
R: Not as good as you apparently.
B: Where is my car? I can't find my car.
R: Where did you park.
B: Right where I am standing, someone stole my car.
R: Uh.
B: Do you still have my password to order pizza saved on your computer?
R: Don't know let me check.
*Checking...nopers.
R: No, the password isn't saved.
B: Order me a pizza.
R: What do you want.
B: Order me a pizza from online.
R: I don't know your password.
(He tells me but I can't understand b/c of him slurring)
B: Oh, if everything works out okay I am staying the night at your house.
R: Okay, thats fine, better than you driving home.
B: Did you order my pizza? Where is my car? I hate elevators.
R: What kind of pizza do you want?
B: Pepperoni.
R: K.
B: But get half hambuger for you.
R: I'm not hungry.
B: Get a half and half and make it a large.
R: Ok I'll get you a pizza.
B: I'll call you back.
*2 minutes later and pizza ordered.*
B: I can't find my car can you drive down O to pick me up.
R: Well hold on, I got to load Olivia up.
B: Just grab her real quick.
R: Ok, where are you at?
B: Looking for my car.
R: I know...where at?
B: Are you looking for my car too?
R: Ugh, no you just asked me to come pick you up where are you?
B: On, 10th and N no 14th and N.
*5 minutes later after trying to figure out where he is, him telling me he is going to lay in the middle of the street to wait for me, gets talked to by a cop b/c you can't lay in the middle of the street, random guy comes over to help him get out of the middle of the street*
B: I see you.
R: Ok, well I don't see you so I'll park and you can walk over here.
B: No back up and come pick me up.
*He's walking down the middle of the fuckin street.*
*Gets in the car, rolls down window, passes out, wakes up, asks why I haven't turned, slouches over...me hoping that he doesn't puke in the car...yuck.*
*Get home and walk around to take Olivia out of the car seat*
B: You have her in the car?
R: No, I left he in the apartment by herself.
B: Oh, well I pry would have b/c I am a bad parent. (He is really a great parent just a horrible drunk)
*Go inside and get him water and tell him if he needs to puke he better make it to the bathroom*
*Pizza comes*
*Go to get more water and a plate for the pizza, turn around as he sprints to the bathroom and proceeds to puke for at least 20 or 30 minutes. I take him the water and he pukes some more*
*Finally comes out, lays down on couch.*
R: Want me to put your pizza in the fridge?
B: No.
R: Well your not going to eat it right now are you?
B: Yeah I am.
R: Ok, oh and you better be ready to get up by 3 b/c I have to be at work by 4.
B: Ok, no problem.
*He passes out on the couch snoring*
*He didn't even eat any FUCKING pizza that he was throwing such a big fit about.*
*I decide to stay up all night b/c it does me no good to get 1 hr of sleep.*
So here I am...AND OH BOY DOES HE OWE ME!!!

Here and there

2007-09-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

This is a blog of random stuff so just deal with my jumping from one story to the next.
Today my parents put Tiger to sleep. I have had my tiger cat since I was 4ish that would make him 17. He used to take baths with me in the tube, drool on my face when I was sleeping and bring my HUGE frogs, mice, birds, and bugs to my bed as 'presents'. Anyone who says pets aren't family is FULL OF SHIT. So I just wanted to say that he will be missed.
The conversation of the day goes as follows...
R (me): This is where we get the 'Market Pantry rice crispy bars.
J (co-worker): What do we use those for?
R: They go at the bottom of our turkey combo sandwiches.
J: (looking confused) Doesn't that taste funny?
R: You don't put the bar on the sandwich, it gets wrapped with the sandwich to be eated as dessert.
*As I slam my head into the shelves thinking did she really just ask that*
Event of the day...Olivia got her shots today and I am not sure who hurt more her or I. She has slept most of the day but when she wakes up she SCREAMS as if saying MAKE ME A BOTTLE NOW BITCH YOU LET THEM DO THIS TO ME NOW YOU WILL PAY. Poor little girl.
Lesson of the day...Don't dress nice!!!
Let me set the scene. I NEVER get to dress nice, it is either work cloths or comfy cloths b/c I have nowhere to go. For some reason I decided that I would dress kinda nice today. So, I put on my favorite pair of lowrise jeans, my tan and pink heeled sandals and a cute little pink polo with a V-cut neck line. So nothing great but I was happy with how I looked. After Olivia's shots I came home and parked my car in my parking spot behind my apartments. I open my door and notice a black man (Note: I have nothing against black people so don't think I am racist) approaching me. He reachs out his hand to shake my hand
M (man): Hi, my name is (I don't remember...oops)...
R (me): I'm Noelle.
M: I just moved here and I have a question. What is the neighborhood like?
R: Not too bad, I am usually in my apartment or not around at all so I am not real sure.
M: Okay, tell me something else, are you single?
R: No.
M: That's cool that's cool I respect that.
R: Umm, Okay.
*the man is now talking on his cell phone.
M: Sorry, I was just talking to the new neighbor Noelle.
P (person on phone): blah blah blah
M: No she is...
*I step out of the car.
M: ...HOLY SHIT she has a body on her.
*apparently he didn't see the car seat.
P: blah blah blah.
M: No, you don't understand she has a body that won't quit.
*I walk around the car and take Olivia out of her car seat.
M: You got a new baby?
R: Yep, 6 weeks old.
M: You just had a baby?
R: Yes.
M: Damn dude (talking on the phone) she just had a baby. She has a smokin body for just having a baby.
M: You really just had a baby?
R: Yes 6 weeks again.
*Walk inside as fast as possible.
So, my only question what was my 'body not quitting?'
Please let me know if you have any ideas...I am baffled.

What's happened???

2007-09-24T17:41:00.000-07:00

As I am sure my loyal readers have noticed I have been MIA for a few months now. It has been brought to my attention that people are getting to my site by searching for 'crotch something' and that apparently people are missing me. So, I have come back from the 'other world' and here I am. DID YA MISS ME?????
So, what have I been up to you may be asking yourself. Well, let me tell you. About 10 months ago Mighty D made a little trip to Lincoln to come and visit me, however he was quite intoxicated so pry doesn't remember it. You may remember the infamous 'Ode to Randomness' yes, that was not his fantisy, that is what really happened that night. That will teach me to get wasted again.
One thing led to another and TA DA...
You guessed it, after he left I was so depressed that I ate and ate and ate. I ate b/c I missed him and I missed him b/c I ate and he has a thing against 'fat chicks'. I keep thinking back to that night and regretting it. Apparently the only way that I can win back Mighty D's love is lots of BJ's...well, if I would have just stuck the the damn BJ's that night I wouldn't have ended up KNOCKED UP! Ok, you got me, that picture isn't of me fat b/c I overate, that is me 9 months pregnant and going to the lake. So, basically, I have spent the last few months getting everything ready for my little bundle of joy and PRAYING that she wasn't going to come out looking like Mighty D. There was no way I could look at my baby and see him everyday. That would just remind me of that night and how much I missed it.
I switched jobs and now work at Super Target. Yeah, I am pretty amazing there. I work in Deli, Bakery, Food Avenue, and Front End. I am an all around kind of girl. I have moved to another apartment. I wasn't sure if Mighty D remembered where I lived and I don't want another 'episode' to happen if he gets drunk and decides to road trip to lincoln.
After getting everything needed for the new arrival, I went to the hospital on August 12 at 5am (damn is that early). At 1:04 Olivia Noelle (yes I am full of myself and named her after me...just like crazy cousin I guess). She was 7lbs and 20 inches.
I have since began to work my ass off to get back my girlish figure. Ok, so I haven't done a damn thing and this is a week after she was born.

Yes, I am kinda conceded but I am proud of myself for looking like this after having a baby. So, between feeding, diaper changing, bathing, burping, rocking, talking, swinging, cleaning, work, school, and my new boyfriend (yes mighty D, I have a new boyfriend I had to find someone to get over you but I think it is impossible...I will always remember that night and I have our 'love child' as a result.) I will beging blogging again. And trust me, you will soon all realize what you have been missing.

I'M BAAAACK

2007-09-21T22:03:00.000-07:00

Just letting everyone know that I am back. I have to work a horrible schedule this weekend so you won't get the joy of hearing why I was MIA until pry Monday. Stay tuned for the update, you won't want to miss it.
(Yes, I mean you Mighty D)

What I've been up to

2007-04-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, I understand that I have been MIA for the last few days. Well, excuse me for having a life. HA, just kidding I have no life but I like to think I do. Really, I was a POW and it will pry continue for the rest of the week but I will explain that later in this blog. First, I am going to go thru all the reasons AFL thought I have been MIA and explain them.
1. "I shacked up with the Security Guard again." Actually, I have no idea where this said security guard has gone. I haven't seen him for about...hmmm...well since the last time I talked about him. Maybe he was taken back to Mexico where he belongs. (Shit did I just say that outloud? Damn it now I am going to HELL!)
2. "Mighty D made it to Lincoln." Well, he may have but since I know nothing about what he looks like, age, nothing...he could have been any of the worthless creeps that were honking at me today while I was on my damn walk. I don't go on these walks looking good. I go looking like shit. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HONKING AT ME. No you don't need to take a triple take, keep your eyes on the road. If you wreck don't expect we to give you mouth to mouth so watch where you are going.
3. "I've fallen and I can't get up" Actually, I did "biff" it at work on Monday so I am a little banged up but I can still walk. That one goes out the window...NEXT.
4. "I'm crawling around on the floor looking for my sippy cup." Shit, after this week I am going to need about 3000 sippy cups.
5. "I found the short short boy on the walking trail and duct taped his weenie, but accidently tapped myself to his crotch and are being drug all over the walking path."
I wish I would have seen him today that would have been a highlight. However, if I would have taped myself to his crotch...he has a mighty strong crotch, he must do crotch exercises. And if he would have just drug me around instead of helping me, I would have given him the "Loretta Bobet" treatment and CUT HIS LITTLE PECKER OFF!
6. "I'm washing out condoms I found on the trails." I went back to look for them today but I think that the rains washed them into the "shit" creek. I couldn't find them. The tampon survived but the condoms didn't. Underlying meaning...women are stronger then men. Sorry guys that is just the way it is...it is the rules.
7. "I'm trolling." Well, I wasn't kidnapped by them thank god, but I have seen them everyday this week. It was like x-mas for them this week, they always get 2 slices of yellow american cheese, but it was on sale this week so they have gotten 4 slices everyday. Yippy for them. I have seen one of them crying 2 of the 4 days this week. Why you ask? HELL IF I KNOW, I don't ask them questions because I am afraid that if they talk I will die of the stinch of their breath. Seeing them so much this week has made me start to try to figure them out. I got one question answered. The reason that they always come in every day is because they don't have a fridge therefore they can only buy enough parishable food for one day becuase they have nowhere to keep it. DAMN I AM GOOD!
8. "I'm playing hide and seek with myself and can't find myself." There are actually some pretty good places to hide so I was testing them out for the next time that I do play hide and seek. Then I pretended to be other people who couldn't find me. After sitting alone, soaked from the rain, cold and hungry I decided that I would never play with the people I was pretending to be becuase I wouldn't be patient enough to wait for their stupid asses to find me. I then came home and ate some ice cream.
9. "I got lost geocaching" Actually this is possible. Sometimes you forget to mark where the car is parked and spend more time looking for the car than you did looking for the fucking cache. Shit happens when you are a dumbass I guess.
10. "I don't love her anymore." Ok, she knows that I still love her an always will so that one is for sure out the window.

Now, here is where I have really been. We will start with Sunday so you get a background.
Sunday: At work, I took an order to cater for 50 people about $400 or so. It is set for this coming Sunday. No biggy, I will have to work to get everything ready for it and deliver it becuase Barb and I are the only ones in our department allowed to drive the new van. However, the schedule has already been made so my 1 extra hour is already going to be used up before the week even starts. *I only get 40 hours a week before overtime and if you get overtime, you get shot on the spot.*
Monday: I get order ready for our paper products and ask Barb to place food order b/c she has the inventory list. I then take an order for 260 pieces of chicken and some side fixings. About $600 for Tuesday at 1130 am. I then run around like a chicken with my head cut off to find some stuff that was stollen that we need to finish inventory. I realize invoices have been eaten by goats and I spend 45 minutes cusing at these fucking goats. Barb comes in and realizes that she forgot to place her part of the order. Do that real quick and start to get stuff ready for Tuesday's catering.
Tuesday: I come in at 7am to help with the catering, we fry chicken for 4 hours non-stop. It is supposed to be my day off and I am now stressing...only 2 days into this weeks schedule...about not getting overtime. Yippy that means I get one day off this week. How great.
Wednsday: I come to work as usual, get everything done. Amanda and I rock when we work together even though we take our time doing everything. We have a meeting and the only thing I can focus on is this red blob that seems to be growing out of the inner corner of one of my co-workers eye. *Gag* No worries, I didn't really need to listen b/c I am the assistant damn it. Went to another store to get some popcorn for our store and talked with our old store director...man I miss him. Go back to our store to whiny old crow.
Thursday: I get a call at 10am. Barb asks if I can come in so she can place an order. Wonder to myself why person there with Barb can't work alone for 15 minutes like usual but brush it off. Go to work only to find out that other person got hit by a driver who ran a stoplight. The other driver then drove away. Why? My guess is because they were an illegal alien who had no driver's license, car license (no plates), no insurance and would have been shipped back to mexico where he belongs. Co-worker=F-ed up car and a strained muscle in neck because she is too stupid to wear her damn seatbelt.
So, there fore I have been MIA because I have been a POW. A Prisoner of WORK. Yep, everyday this damn week is when I will be working so when I am not at work I am trying to catch up on things that I didn't get done when I usually do b/c I don't have that free time this week. FUCK WORK!

"L" is for labia (he he he)

2007-04-23T17:09:00.000-07:00

Large Lively Lady Librarian Lugs Lusty Luggage
Long Legged Lookers Leave Lacy Lingerie
Live Laugh Love Lemonaide
Lucky Life Learns Lessons Leaving Lies
Light Lingers Lonely Lake
Lord leads Leather Limosean Lamely Left
Little Lovely Lunch Leaves Licking Lips Locked
Low Level Land Lets Lazers List Logs

G is for gangrene

2007-04-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

Great Green Globs Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts
Gorgeous Gals Guzzling Gallons Great Grape
Gross Grey Geese Gawk Grandly Going Generally Germany
Goddamn Ghetto Grandma G-string Gag Geeze
Gynocologist Glanced Grotequly Genetic Genitals
Gay Glove Glue Girdle Garder Girlfriend Gossip
Giant Gnawing Gnomes gun Garlic Gastric Gases...Groan
Georgia Gym Game Gains Genius Gambling Gals Gabbing
Garage Gunk Gone Ga-ga
Google Good Ground Gravel Garbage Gail Gorge

Tornado report

2007-04-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

If any of you have read my AFL's recent blog you have heard about the tornado in nebraska. Here is the article in the Lincoln Journal Star if you are interested. Please pray for all involved.

"C" is for Cookie

2007-04-20T13:02:00.000-07:00

I have joined the game. AFL had "A", Ellie's Mom had "B", so I took "C". If you would like to join the fun go the AFL's website and check out the rules then leave a comment to let us know you are taking the next letter.

Creepy Crawly City Crocodiles Cross Cliffs Clumsily Carrying Cute Cuddly Caterpillars.

Chunky Cows Chew Chunky Cud Causing Colon Constipation.

Crazy Camping Candidates Carry Canoes Causouly
Comparing Costume Covered Criminal Children,
Cheap Cheating Chocolate Coffee covered condom characters,
Cursed Crusty Crappy Creatures Called Crabs.

Cleavage, Crack, Cunt

A walk to remember

2007-04-19T15:12:00.000-07:00

Since it has FINALLY decided to get nice outside and stay that way for a while, I have started my walking workout plan. I am lucky enough to live about a block away from one of lincoln's bike/walking trails. Take note that these trails are amoung the best in the nation...no joke. I love walking these trail, they are nicely paved and there are many to choice from . On these walks, there are many things that you observe that you would normally miss if you to lazy to go for walks. Here are a few that I noticed today.
1. Only on these trails does everyone you walk by wave, smile, nod, or say "Hi". Some even try to get you to stop and chat. HELLO, can't you see I am workingout?? I have a goal and you are interferring with it! However, it is very nice when people actually act like human beings and have the courtisy to acknowledge you. Everywhere else in this damn city it is like you are in everyone's way. You piss everyone off and everyone pisses you off. "The bird" flies more in your car and the car that cut you off then it does in the air.
2. The only downside to trail I walk on is the horrible smelling creek that runs beside it. As long as you are upwind you have nothing to worry about. You can breath the normal city polluted air. However, if you are downwind, holy shit...be prepared to smell a combination of rotten eggs, dead fish, sewage, and foot sweat. Yep, that is close to what it smells like. Now I am from BFE so I can handle the smell of farms and the stagnant smell of rivers full of animal urine and feces (I actually love tubing down those nasty rivers but that is beside the point), but the smell of this creek can be over powering. Knock you on your ass overpowering. I wouldn't even touch this water with a 100 foot long stick in fear of getting some deadly disease from it.
3. I saw 2 caterpillers picking a very unopurtune time to cross the path. Right in front of me and since I am a good person, I stopped to let them cross. However, I wish that they would cross in their damn crosswalks after pushing the "walk" signal but I guess they haven't been trained in that yet.
4. I saw a couple snuggling down by the creek. About 5 feet from it actually. First...you can be seen by everyone so if you are planning on "doing it" I suggest moving to the other side of the bridge, the path doesn't go on that side. Also, I wouldn't roll around in that grass naked if my life depended on it. It has been soaked with that disgusting water from the creek, you may get something...and I don't mean the something that you already have gotten from that guy.
5. I was passed twice by a male runner. First thing I noticed...his shorts were shorter than mine. He must have taped his penis in order for it to not be flopping out from under these teeny tiny short. Ever stride he took I got a glimps of an ass cheek. Well, I guess I can be thankful that he was in shape and not some 400 pound man.
6. I later was passed my another male runner, this one however, I have no complains about. DAMN did he have a sex body and he wasn't wearing a shirt so he can run with me any day.
7. Under any bridge back home, there is graffiti written. You have to be pretty awesome in order to have something written about you under one of the bridges. And guess what...I made it. I have the priviledge of having something written about me under one of those bridges. Oh, I am so proud of that. Anyway, I walk under 4 bridges each time and there isn't shit to read under these bridges. Not fun at all. It saddens me that I have nothing to read when I walk under these bridges, I guess teens aren't as cool here as back home.
8. I saw 1 tampon...still in the wrapper THANK GAWD. *cringes at the thought of it being a used one* It was right in the middle of the trail.
9. Not too far away there were 2 condom wrappers, I am guessing maybe from the couple that were cuddling down by the creek.
10. Also, an empty birth control package. Ok, way would this be on a trail traveled by families??? Who knows.
11. There was a tumble weed that traveled at least 1/4 of a mile while staying completely on the trail. Take note that these trails aren't straight so the wind was having some fun today.
12. Finally, there was an old man sitting by the lake fishing. Well I think he was fishing anyway. He was holding a fishing pole but I don't think that he moved at all. Hopefully he was just taking a cat(fish) nap. (HA HA come on guys, laugh at my horrible pun).
* This is where I am going to add a point to my city creeps contest. If I have to work, then I don't get to go for a walk until sometime around 7ish. That is a good time for me to go for a walk simply b/c I usually walk for an hour and that gets me home before the sun sets. Last night I debated whether I wanted to go for a walk or not and finally decided at about 6:45 that I would for-go my walk. This was a great move on my part b/c at 7 there was a fight that broke out in the park about 10 feet off the trail. I would have been walking by this area at approximately 7. The fight escalated and shots were fired. No one was hit with the bullets but it is just crazy and scary to think that if I would have decided to be motivated last night I could have been right there. So I get a point and I think that gives me either 14 or 15.

Oooo, the things that annoy me (at work)

2007-04-18T18:11:00.000-07:00

For the most part, I enjoy my job. There are customers that just make my day when they come in, however there are also those who royally PISS ME OFF. These assholes enjoy coming in early in the morning in order to screw my day from the start. Then if I start to get a little better, the TROLLS come in and make me want to rip my hair out.***
1. DO NOT come in at 6:30 and expect me to be cheerful when you ask me to special cut you some lunchmeat. WE DON'T OPEN TIL 7! Walk around and come back in 30 minutes.
2. DO NOT ask me to make an entire pot of decaf coffee. I will end up wasting over 40 cups because no one else besides you wants any. What the hell is the point of coffee with no CAFFINE??? And IF I make you the coffee BUY MORE THAN 12 FUCKING OUNCES.
3. DON'T make me open a new package of meat when I just opened one 10 minutes ago. The meat is not bad...I JUST OPENED IT. Be happy that I cut it special for you anyway.
4. Don't come to my department and ask me to slice a ham that you bought for the meat department. THEY WILL DO IT IF YOU ASK THEM TOO. It is taking my time and my departments hours for another department...yes it will piss me off. However, since I am such a great worker I will do it for you. BUT BITCH IF YOU ASK ME TO DO IT AGAIN AND YOU ONCE AGAIN DO NOT SAY THANK YOU I WILL NEVER EVER EVER DO IT FOR YOU FAT ASS AGAIN.
5. If there are 10 people at the hot case don't expect to be in and out in 10 seconds. The people in front of you will want everything just right. Take a deep breath and deal with it.
6. If you are a bitch to me...I will be a bitch to you! If you talk to me like I am a 2 year old...I will talk to you the same way. That is just how I am.
7. Do not turn into the trolls. Do not ask for 45 cents of mac and cheese. Don't ask if the mac and cheese is plain. IT IS THE SAME EVERY FUCKING DAY! Don't ask for me to open a new package of bologna so I can slice you a piece worth 25 cents I WON'T DO IT! Don't ask for beef and noodles but without the beef, I will not pick every piece of meat out for you. And finally (today's occurrance) you walk up to the case every day and when we ask you what you want you say you are just looking. You then come back later. DO NOT get pissed when we don't walk up to you right away, we know you are going to say you are looking and you will be back. Then when you do come back, don't sneak your skinny little smelly ass up to the counter and start yelling at me that you need help. I WILL YELL BACK.
T: HEY HEY I NEED YOU TO GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME!
N: YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU JUST WALKED UP AND I DIDN'T SEE YOU. YOU WEREN'T EVEN STANDING THERE FOR 5 SECONDS SO YOU CAN JUST HOLD ON UNTIL I FINISH WHAT I AM DOING AND NEVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN OR I WILL NOT BE HELPING YOU!
T: Oh, okay.
8. Don't talk to me like I don't know what I am talking about. I AM THE FUCKING ASSISTANT MANAGER, YOU DON'T EVEN WORK HERE. I am pretty sure I know my deli a lot better than you do so shut the hell up.
9. Think about the question you are going to ask before you ask it. It will save you from looking like a complete dumbass and it will save me from wanting to scream WHAT THE HELL KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT???
10. To top off my day, I had to make a sign for "Tropical Days" a week long sale that we have going on. Making this sign left my hands looking like the care bears took a shit in my hands. I have every color of paing on them and it doesn't wash right off.
The list goes on and on but this is all that I have for right now. I will be adding as need be.

"Big city" creeps

2007-04-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

My AFL and I decided that we are going to start keeping track of all the creeps in our towns, or at least the ones that make the new. We are going to keep score cards as well. If you want to join in on the score keeping, you just have to make sure that if you have the link to the story you add it and you add the old ones to the new ones.

*There are women who get pissed at their daughter for a bad soccer game and leave her on the side of I-80. Nice parenting bitch.
1 point

*We have IDIOTS who sell bongs and drug parafanilia and liquidation sales. Hey dumbass did you really think no cops would come to this??? HELLO!!
1 point

*How about a man that kills his 14-month old little girl and buries her in a shallow grave??? Yep got one of those too.
1 point

*1 guy was arrested for the fraternity fire at my college that killed one of my fellow classmates, he wasn't suspected of starting THIS fire however he was accused of arson. For this incident he was accused of hazing, illegal use and ownership of fireworks and drugs I believe. Don't quote me, you can read the link.
1 point

1. It has begun to get very nice outside and since "big city" has great bike paths, some of the best in the US (no joke) we start to get a lot of pervs out on the paths. Here is one to start off the spring right. http://journalstar.com/articles/2007/03/29/news/local/doc460bc132b7660675102652.txt
1 Point

2. This story is about an idiot so I will not give him a whole point but I think he gets a "stupid criminal" point. Basically, he tried to rob a gas station at gunpoint and when the worker told him that he wasn't getting any money, he stole a pop. Woopy. http://journalstar.com/articles/2007/03/29/news/local/doc460a6d0a15422433396581.txt
0.5 point

3. We had creepy people who just kill and leave bodies in lakes. http://journalstar.com/articles/2007/03/23/news/local/doc46040bcd21f35420838607.txt
1 point

4. We have guys who kill young girls for no reason and leave their remains in a ditch for oh say 11-12 years. But apparently this isn't his first rodeo. http://journalstar.com/articles/2007/03/23/news/local/doc4603df1fefbee437171429.txt
1 point

5. How about those losers that think it is fun to pick on grandma. Break into her house asking to use the bathroom then beating her up when she refuses to give you money until you leave the house and wait outside, only to get $16. http://www.kolnkgin.com/home/headlines/6764217.html
1 point

*B/c of my cousin and my afl I am adding a 1/2 point for the "stupid SAD" criminal and another point b/c I got the okay.

6. We have creeps who assault women then lock them in the trunk for 3 days. http://journalstar.com/articles/2007/03/30/news/local/doc460db0a124a4f021057647.txt
1 point

7. We have a man with 9 DUI's from '91-now including one that was 4 times the legal limit. http://journalstar.com/articles/2007/03/30/news/local/doc460daf0d9ece9466657895.txt
1 point

8. I don't know if this guy counts as a creep but he is a danger to us. He is a 17 year old who has been ticketed for manslaughter after his "reckless" driving caused a 15 year old passanger to die. And a day after the manslaughter ticket, he was caught driving on a suspended license. Does he WANT to kill another person b/c he is on the fast track to do that. http://www.journalstar.com/news/local/doc46142292d702e495830147.txt
2 point *1 for the creep and 1 for the idiot that married the creep*

9. We have maintance workers who sexually assault and strangle women. http://journalstar.com/articles/2007/04/05/news/local/doc46156cc9107bf678114577.txt
1 point

10. We have babysitters who let 1 year olds take blood pressure meds and OD on them (if you are ever looking for a babysitter don't look in lincoln.) http://journalstar.com/articles/2007/04/05/news/local/doc46156eed358ae074245114.txt
1 point

11. We have parents that don't feed their baby. Oh yeah and try to mess with his feeding tube while he is in the hospital. http://journalstar.com/articles/2007/04/05/news/local/doc46156eed358ae074245114.txt
1 point

So, I think for now I have 17 points for the "big city" but the numbers will grow i can guarantee it.

My Celebrity Look-alikes

2007-04-11T20:19:00.001-07:00

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

My Celebrity Look-alikes

2007-04-11T20:16:00.001-07:00

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Aw, Who Needs 'em

2007-04-11T19:07:00.000-07:00

After clocking out at work just in time to stop myself from starting my department on fire since everything else was going wrong, I stopped in the office to shoot the bull with my fellow management. I guess Eric was a little bored out of his gourd because he made a "splint" for his pinkie finger out of our store ad. He then stated that it wouldn't be the first time he couldn't use his pinkie and that he would be okay. This got my mind brewing like a piping pot of chili. Why do I even need a pinkie finger? I learned that apparently the pinkie finger has many different meanings in different countries, but I am not planning on traveling to any of these countries so I think I can stand to lose it if I had to choose. Here are the meanings for the pinkie finger in other cultures just in case you were wondering. Also in Japan, holding up a pinkie while speaking of two people signifies that they are in a relationship.
In China, if one holds up a little finger at another, it is usually considered vulgar, just as holding up a middle finger in the United States and other countries is generally regarded as offensive.
In India, holding up the little finger is also a signal of "katti" or a broken friendship, a sign that someone is angry, or a playful suggestion that the person flashing the pinky is not going to speak to you.
In India, holding up the pinky is a signal that the person has to urinate.
Similarly, in Indonesia, when a man points his pinky finger downward it is a signal that he needs to urinate.
In Turkey, it's tradition to link pinky fingers when two people are making a bet.
In Judaism, it is customary to extend one's arm and pinky finger to the Torah as it is lifted following its reading in the Synagogue.
The Iron Ring is a symbolic ring worn by some Canadian engineers. The Ring is a symbol of both pride and humility for the engineering profession, and is always worn on the little finger of the dominant hand. (A similar ritual is performed in the United States called the Order of the Engineer).
In the Balkans, a solitary long fingernail on the pinky finger of a man signifies that he is single.
The Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority holds their pinky finger in the air as a (Greek) greeting to their fellow sisters.
In Russia, when two people are French-kissing, it is customary to often link pinky fingers together.
In the United Kingdom, it used to be considered a social requirement to raise one's little finger whilst drinking a beverage out of a cup or mug. (http://www.answers.com/topic/pinky-finger)

Many people's pinky can't even bend by itself. It is reliant on the ring finger. It is like a little kid that depends on its parents to take him/her to the "potty" because they can't go alone. If your pinky bends so does your ring finger and visa versa. I do know there are some exceptions, I am just making a point.

You may say a pinky is needed for drinking fancy tea. Me personally, when I drink tea it had better be iced sun tea, none of this fancy shit, and I want to drink it out of a BIG glass not a little teacup that only holds 3 oz. What good does that do me? If you ask me, I think people who point their pinkies when drinking tea look like their hand has an erection from taking touching too much Viagra (yes, in this instance pretend it can go thru the skin...work with me here). Don't get me wrong, these are my opinions about the whole thing, you may have your own thoughts and feel free to voice them, but I can't guarantee that I will listen.

Oh how about pinky promises. That is why we need pinkies right? Remember when you and your BFF would pinky swear to do your hair the same for school the next day (for example). We all know that after 2nd grade pinky promises didn't mean shit. Unless you are one of these guys, my guess is they are pinky promising not to sleep with each others' girlfriends...like I said "after 2nd grade pinky promises don't mean a damn thing (game on is what they are really thinking) We wouldn't be missing anything if we never knew about pinky promises in the first place.

We don't need our pinkies to write, we don't need our pinkies to snap our fingers, not to cross our fingers. I just think that other fingers are more important. Obviously the thumb and index finger are the most important. They work as a team to pick up and grasp things.

Your thumb can also be used to say, "Hey Great Job!" or to give a movie "2 thumbs up". Some young people suck their thumbs for comfort...and some do it that are a little too old to be doing that. It is also great for saying, "Damn Mom, that's some GOOOD cake!"

Your index finger is great for pointing, for saying "I'm #1 BITCH!" without saying a word, and for helping to say, "Um, excuse me miss, but do you have any grey poupon?"

The middle finger is needed to show the ASSHOLE that just cut you off, your extreme displeasure just in case your horn doesn't work. Or, to tell the refs what you think of their call/teaching your 4 year old how to speak his mind without your wife "hearing" you do it.

If you ever get married or are married you need your left ring finger therefore as humans we have a dire need to look symmetrical. As a result you will also need your right ring finer. So if I had to lose a finger I would easily give up my pinkies, who needs them anyway!?

You're in my dreams

2007-04-08T20:11:00.000-07:00

I have rather interesting dreams, I never know what they will be about or where the hell they come from but I have learned to deal with them. I dream, laugh, ponder about them. This morning I woke up from my dream at 6:29 (note my alarm was to go off at 6:31 and I was pissed I lost 2 minutes of sleep) anyway, this is what the dream was about.

Background:

K: my cousin who is expecting a bundle of "pain in the ass" I mean joy in about a month.

S: K's man who is the daddy dearest to bundle of joy.

FS (fuck stick): K's sperm can't swim, asshole, albino ex-husband.

*For part of this you will need to know that K and S are in no hurry to marry (I say rock on there) and you may need to read one of K's blogs. Now, onto the short dream.

I walk into a church and what to my wondering eyes should I see??? S standing at the front of the church near the alter. What the hell is going on I ask myself and make my way to the front of the church. I ask S what is going on and he tells me that him and K have decided to get married. Now let me tell you I am about as confused as a blind person in a round room. I know that K didn't want to rush into marriage but the best part so far is that I know K would never get married in a church, it just isn't her style. The chances of K getting married in a church are worse then my chances of winning the lottery and I don't even buy tickets. OK, I guess this is what she wants to do so I stand at the alter and wait. Things only get better from here on out. I now see K enter the church in a wedding dress. Not your normal wedding dress (take note she is very prego) but a dress that is this lovely shade of lime green. And what does the dress look like you may be asking yourself (and I kid you not, I can't believe that I found a pic that actually looked like the one in my dream only the wrong color) well...here it is.

Now that is what I call a looker. Just when I thought this dream couldn't get anymore odd, I now realized who was walking her down the isle to give her away. Why, it was FS...her freaking ex-husband. As I reached to the ground to pick up my jaw I heard one last thing to leave an impression of this dream in my mind. K said something to FS that went something like this. "Not only did I cheat at games but I just cheated on you there too." What the hell she was referring to...we may never know. I am sure you have your own ideas. So, when I dream about you I do it right...guess you just have to be special to be in my dream. Sweet dreams all.

Don't be a boob!

2007-04-07T20:27:00.000-07:00

As I was reading other people's blogs, I began to get saddened b/c I couldn't think of a good thing to blog about. Thankfully, I was online with my AFL and crazy cousin. They helped me by telling me to blog about something I know well...sippy cups, shout it out, stalkers, or BOOBS. What did I choose? Boobs of course, because I do know them well, well, mine anyway. So here goes nothing. If you are a male, you should pretend to be a female to look at it from our prospective.

I remember when I was about 12 or 13 starting to get boobs. Yes, I am becoming a "women" (or so that is what my mom told me). I got to wear my first "training" bra. Did I really need to wear one? The answer is No, the bites on my arms for the family camp out where the mosquitoes thought I was an all you can eat buffet were bigger then my boobs. But damn I thought I was cool. Gym class was once a day and I now had to wear a sports bra. Hell I could have just used some band aide and that would have been all I needed, but I would much rather wear a sports bra. However, now that myself and my friends were all getting boobs, we couldn't let any of the other girls in the locker room see them. This is when we mastered the magic trick of taking off one bra, putting on a sports bra and changing shirts without even a little nipple being flashed.

(Yep, see how flat this manican is? That is how flat I was, but I sure as hell wasn't going to go without a bra...like it mattered)

After a year or two later (depending on if the first part started in 7th or 8th grade) I was in high school. Now I was at the point were I didn't give a shit if the other girls saw my boobs, they were in sports with me, we changed and showered in the same locker room everyday after practice. You can only hide your boobs for so long before you feel like being in your own pretend "Girl Gone Wild" show in the locker room. It started quite innocently but just comparing different "cool" bras.

Then, we get more used to one another...hell we are in a town of 500 people. We have known one another since we were on the nipple why are we being so prissy? Now, the real girls gone wild comes out. We are running around topless like me have not a care in the world. Did we care that there were huge wall length mirrors that allowed everyone to see into the locker room when the door was opened...HELL NO. Shit happens, life goes on.

Then, I began to find that my boobs were useful in holding stuff, or just good photo ops.
This was taken my senior year of high school. As you can see, my cleavage is now to the point that I can hold things in there...and my best friend thought it was a great time for a photo op. I am sure that somewhere there is a pic of me hold a beer there are well. I also have a picture...which I have come to the conclusion that someone has taken...of my friends and I with duct tape over our boobs that says CENSORED...and yes, for the record, duct tape on the boobs HURTS. But it was worth the picture. Speaking of tape...have any of you females forgotten your sports bra for a game and had to be taped? Take note that if you ever need to tape your boobs for any reason, don't ask my friends as I to do it, you will look like a mummy from the belly button to armpits, but it won't do a damn bit of good. If you need proof you can ask my friend "Nice Story Kayla".

My family has questioned where I got my "GIFT", if that is what you want to call it. My boobs once had names, however I can't seem to remember them...most likely because when I decided to name them I was 3 drinks over the "remember things" bar. However, they are big enough to have names, they have earned that. When your boobs get to the point that you can no longer buy bras at a normal place (IE. target, walmart, victoria secret) because they don't carry the size you require...each breast gets its own name. When they get to the point that you scoot your chair close to the desk so you can rest them there...they deserve to be acknowledged. An example of how they can be a pain besides in the back and shoulders would be what happened today, and what spawned this blog. I was attempting to reach the extension cord behind my computer desk however thanks to my boobs, I was about 3 inches short. I couldn't reach it, no matter how much I squished the little bastards they were just there. Yes, I can stand against a wall and they will touch the wall before my nose. No, I can't wear that because my boobs don't fit. No, I can't get that swimming suit because I have to get an XL top (and take it in around not in the cup) but I need and XS bottom...Oh, you don't sell it like that. The list goes on and on.Am I proud of them? You betcha!! Anytime I get a little alcohol in me, I have to take a booby pictures. I have some with just me...and I have even gotten my friends into the action even though they will not come close to trumping my size. (I am sorry to say that I can't post any examples b/c I have been grounded from AFL) I do not allow them to come out in the open too much. I am not like Paris Hilton and flash my "ta tas" for everyone to see. I know how to keep my (Hooter) "owls-as they were referred to by my friends in high school" in the cage. I also have a nickname from high school...that some still use to this day. Ready..."Big Boobs McGee", yep, that's me. But take note that I am A LA NATURAL...not fake ladies. I have however, found a way for now to end this on a good note...I hope. You see, I have this little problem called being stalked by the "coperotsi" as I like to call them. No, they don't take pictures of me or anything like that. But they do stalk me, I swear they do. In my 10-15minutes drive to work I bet I see at least 3 every day. Wherever I am, they are too. They seem to follow me but not pull me over...KNOCK ON WOOD! Anyway, I figure that my "gift" may be able to help me if I get pulled over.

Hello officer, I didn't know I was speeding. I am so sorry.

Can you let me off with a warning this one time...PLEASE. (Ooops, one of my owls flew the coop) Oh, I am so embarrassed, I am sorry sir. Like I was saying, can I please have a warning. You are such a nice cop.

2007-04-05T22:01:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of a firefighter who was caught at a local park. He is one sexy bitch. This is what happens when you drink too much. However, he was kind of ready for a fire...he could just use the water balloons that he was using as breasts to put the first out. At least he used yellow balloons so they were closer to skin color.

Can you guess what this man was caught doing? You guessed it, he was putting on his costume to be the tin man in the local "Wizard of Oz" play. Ok, so maybe that isn't it. Second guess...he was spraying spray paint into a plastic bag and inhaling the fumes. At least he picked a color that makes him look like he just has an oldman gray mustache and beard.

This woman was pulled over for drunk driving...no biggy but check out that hair. How the hell do you get your hair to do that???? That is the most amazing hair style I have seen a non-hairstylist do. The woman told police that he hair was like that b/c of the sunroof in her car. That is some amazing wind.

There are many mug shots on this site but these were my fave...if I have time to look thru them all I might add some but this is it for now. If I ever get arrested I hope I have a great mug shot.

Random facts

2007-04-04T21:45:00.000-07:00

I found this kinda fun little facts sheet so I thought you might enjoy it...plus I am bored as hell...so deal with it.
1. What is your best friend's Mom's name? Um, ?
2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole? in my clevage area.
3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? I honestly don't think I have ever thought that one of my teachers were hot...sorry profs
4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater? Sure have
5. What body part do you wash first? I shampoo my hair first
6. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms? YES, if...IF I use a public bathroom at all.
7. What's the strangest talent you have? I can cross my legs so that both feet are on the tops of my thighs and walk across the room on my kneew
8. Do you have an innie or an outtie? Innie
9. What's your favorite flavored Pringles? Sour Cream and Onion
10. Have you ever been tied up? Yes, one morning I was kidnapped by my friends. I woke up to the tying me up and throwing me into the back of a pickup with another tied friend and drove around town for about 30 minutes...in our PJ's. Those were the days.
11. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for? I was "grounded" or keys taken away for coming home about 2 hours later than I should have
12. Do you parallel park or drive around the block? Parallel park if it is closer...I was the only one to pass that on the first try in drivers ed.
13. Have you ever had two dates in one night? I went bowling and out to eat with just me and 4 guys. (However, I was only dating one of them)
14. How many times have you been cussed out? A few times, it happens, life goes on.
15. Which shoe do you put on first? Whichever is closer to reach.
17. Have you ever been to a gay bar? No, am I missing out on something?
18. Girls--should have bigger boobs then guys!
19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common? Nope, I like variety.
20. Did you French kiss before you were 16? Yes, that is how it has to be.
21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting? No, even though people think that is all we do where I am from and it is fun to take "city people" snipe-hunting
22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep? I am selfish, but it is usually myself b/c I am going thru what I need to do the next day
23. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you? Yes I have...and it is wonderful
24. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash? Towels, i am already clean after showering. However, I don't always shower before bed sometimes I shower in the morning.
25. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable? Never looked into my parents bedroom like that. What kind of creep asked this question?
26. What was your childhood nickname? Pistol Pete, Toad Frog, Noey, Burt. Feel free to add if you know more
27. When is the last time you played the air guitar? About 3 days ago.
28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room? yep, in small towns you use the other teams "opposite" sexes locker room as your locker room if they aren't in there.
29. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving? Changed clothes
30. Have you ever bitten your toenails? When I was little
31. How do you eat your cookie? What kind of cookie? I love cookies but all are eaten differently.
32. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt? I have never worked out in a gym.
33. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others. Sing
36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?About 3-4 beers or a couple mixed drinks, I am a light weight
37. Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt? Gross, no, sorry, not in the that.
38. How often do you clean out your ears? Every time I shower...so nearly daily.
39. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? fold
40. About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie? I don't pick it b/c that is where it is supposed to be
41. Do you have any strange phobias? Falling, Mice
42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Kleenex
43. What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar? Only been to a few bars, and honestly can't think of anything stupid that I did...however when my parents took me out for my 21st bday, I was about 3-sheets to the wind and my uncle and I asked these guys if they wanted to play a game of pool. The guys honestly thought we were going to "hustle" them. I could hardly stand up let alone hit the right ball.
44. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted? I don't think I have been "dared" to do anything I regretted. I made my own choices, had fun at the time so no real regrets.
45. Have you ever called your love interest by an ex's name? Nope
46. Have you caught a guy/girl farting while on a date? Don't think so
47. Have you ever played naked Twister? I've played strip twister, but I didn't get naked...everything important was still covered.
48. Have you ever been drunk at work? Maybe from the night before.
49. Have you ever found your date's/lover's brother or sister more attractive? I have dated brothers (not at the same time) so that pry counts huh?
50. Do you want to bring sexy back? I never lost the sexy!!

Let them eat cake

2007-04-04T21:10:00.000-07:00

Well, this really doesn't have anything to do with cake. If you are a due process person and believe that criminals should have a lot of rights, you will probably be pissed after reading this...I DON'T CARE! As you know from an earlier blog, Nebraska was trying to do away with the death penalty. Fuck that, it is there for a reason (happily we still have it) and the only thing that I like about Texas is the fact that they know how to use the damn death penalty. They have put 11 death row people to death so far this year (I think that number is right) that is the way it should be done. None of this them sitting in jail for free room and board thanks to us law abiding citizens for years and years...BULLSHIT! Then, Lincoln wants to spend $87.6 million on a new jail. Why do we need a new jail? To house the pieces of shit that should already be put to death. B/c inmates are bitching that they don't have enought room blah blah blah. Shut up, you aren't paying for a damn thing just be happy for what you have bastards. Now I learn that we are planning on pay a man $5,800 plus travel expenses to come and figure out a way to stop inmates from committing suicide while in jail. There have been 3 inmate suicides since 1994. Who cares if they commit suicide, that is less that we have to pay for them. This enrages me I just want to scream. I don't want to spend my tax money on that shit b/c I don't care if they want to end their life, just puts my money towards better things in the long run. And why are you concerned about 3 INMATES in 12 years but there are many more "high schoolers" that commit suicide and you aren't doing much to help them. Get your damn priorities straight.
http://journalstar.com/articles/2007/04/04/news/local/doc46130152bca2b057644234.txt

Trolls have a cousin

2007-04-04T14:37:00.000-07:00

Today was a crappy day from the beginning, my boss pulled some tendons in her foot so she was kinda slow, making my job must more busy. Anyway, she had to go to the office so that she could place our order, no big deal right. WRONG! This woman walks up (you will soon understand why I think she may be related to the trolls) and I ask her if I can get her anything. Her answer was "No, I am just looking." Okay then and I go about my business. I start to take whole birds out of the rotiserrie (sp?). Then I turn around and there are 6 high schoolers standing at the hotcase wanting lunch. I walk over.
N: What can I get you?
Girl: Um, can I get a small thing of mac and cheese?
N: Sure. (I get the mac and cheese)
N: Here you are, anything else?
G: Yeah, can I get a glass of water?
N: Okay. (I walk to the other side of the deli to the pop machine to get some water.) Here is your water.
G: Oh yeah, can I get a fork as well.
N: *thinking: Bitch why didn't you ask me for that while I was on the side of the deli that has the forks!!* Yep. (walk to the OTHER side of the deli to get her damn fork).
*First lady who walked up: HEY, I am ready now!
N: Okay, it will be just a moment. (Stupid, there are 5 other people in front of you b/c you couldn't make up your damn mind)
However, the high schoolers let me take care of her first...and here is where the trollitis comes into play
N: What can I get you?
Lady: I want 2 slices of mild cheddar, co-jack, pepper jack, farmers and provolone cheese.
N: (Take not that we wrap out cheese in half pound packages b/c that is usually how people buy them) *Thinking...UGH.* (I unwrap 5 packages of cheese to get her 2 damn pieces of each cheese.) What else can I get you?
L: I also want 2 slices of baby swiss and big eye swiss.
N: *BITCH* (Unwrap 2 more packages to get out 2 pieces of each cheese). Any meats?
L: Yep, I want 4 slices of each meat. I am getting sandwich stuff for my daughter.
N: *Thinking: What the hell? Doesn't your daughter just like a few things does she really need this much variety???????* (Gets 4 slices of 6 different kinds of meat placing each in their own bag b/c god forbid they are the same damn price) Here you are, is that all?
L: Oh, I think so, bye.
* At this point Barb calls me on "green line" to look up a number for the order.*
* Also take note that I still have 5 teens standing at the hotcase waiting for lunch.*
I rush over to the hotcase and get them a total of 7 meals for the 5 of the including 5 drinks, so I have now been from side to side of the deli about 15 times. I go to look where barb said the number would be but it wasn't there. Suddenly another man walks up and wants 5 different salads. I get all that for him and finally find the number that barb is looking for. I call her on "green line" only to see that she didnt' want to wait that long so she just guessed and was already on her way back to the deli.
By now, it is only 11am and I am annoyed as hell with only 5 and a half hours left in my shift...AWWWWW!!! Lunch is busy and not much gets done b/c we have no time. Then we get a call that I have to make 100 pinwheels for the wine tasting tomorrow. No biggy, that will only waste AN HOUR OR TWO OF MY TIME. Happily I am getting them done in a good amount of time when suddenly, the kitchen challenged problem hits me. As I am slicing the pinwheels everything is going well but then, OUCH SHIT! I look down and blood is covering my thumb, the knife and some on the pinwheel that I was cutting at the time. Well, don't have time to deal with it. I wash out the cream cheese and blood, put a bandaide on it, put on a glove, sterilize the knife, throw out the pinwheel I was working on and finish the job. I guess it is just how the day was supposed to go. Oh well, work is over. And hopefully I never see the 2 slice troll cousin lady or I may throw all of her stuff at her when I am done.

Sorry, no trolls.

2007-03-31T18:53:00.000-07:00

Since today I had to work at noon, but then got a call not to come in til 1 b/c I had too many hours for the week (and they are too cheap to pay overtime [I own all of the overtime for the store that I work at...now that takes talent]) I was walking in just as the trolls were leaving so I knew it was going to be a different kind of day. It was your ordinary day and we got a lot of well needed cleaning done. Just when I thought that nothing exciting or funny would happen at work tonight I heard this fun story.

Apparently the urinal in the men's bathroom smelled like dying deer. After I got done using the bleach to clean tabletops in the deli, I called Josh to go pour the rest down the horrible smelling urinal, which was requested by another worker. Josh did so and then didn't say much about it when he came back thru my department. However, when I was taking the trash out with Josh he told me that while freshening the urinal he noticed a beer bottle lid on the top of the urinal. His first thought was that someone had stolen some beer. He looked in the trash can where he discovered an empty beer bottle. He then proceeded to go check the alcohol isle to find the bunch of bottles that had one missing. After searching all the beer, he found nothing missing. Where did the beer bottle come from you may ask?! Why, some drunk couldn't go 3 minutes without his beer so he brought it into the store with him so he could continue to fill his bladder while emptying it. Wow, what a clever man.
*AFL: sorry there is not a troll story for today, but hopefully this will tide you over til I can get a new troll story...if not, I guess I can make one up for you.

Piss me off a little

2007-03-28T15:27:00.000-07:00

First, I HATE ROAD CONSTRUCTION!!! It is a pain in the ass. And of course they must be working on my route from home to work and home to school. The intersection is bad enough without being dropped down to one lane. I can't even turn right on red at 6am...HELLO there is no one else on the road. So I have to sit thru the whole sequence of light changes. And that is the good time of day to be leaving. Now if I have to work at 3-4pm, there is a ice cubes chance in hell that it will take me less then an hour to drive what usually takes me 15 minutes. The line of cars is honestly about .5 to .75 mile long...all waiting for the light to turn green long enough for 4...yes 4 cars to turn. Ugh. Then on the way back to my apartment, it narrows down to one lane...and the left turn lane, however you have to wait until about 3 car lengths before the light to get into the turn lane. Once you finally get to the turn lane, you can't see around the large machinery to see if it is safe to turn or not. So you have to hold your breath, close your eyes and put the pedal to the medal hoping you get thru unscaved.

Second, I HATE CELL PHONE BATTERIES. My phone battery now has a mind of its own. Sometimes it likes to stay on all day etc and other days it only lasts about an hour. Sometimes, it lets you talk and others it cuts me off mid-sentence. And to top it all off, the F***ing battery is more than I paid for the damn phone. What is wrong with this world??? Stupid price gouging.

Third, STUPID PEOPLE SOMETIMES MAKE ME LAUGH. Here is what happened to a couple of lucky cops...and this is a true story.
The cop gets an early morning phone call on his work cell phone, it is a number that he doesn't recognize but answers it anyway and this is the convo that follows.
C: Hello?
DA (dumbass): Is Tom there?
C: He is not around right now, what did you need?
DA: I was wondering if I could get some meth.
C: Sure, where would you like to meet?
DA: Over by blah blah blah park.
C: Ok, I will meet you there.
* They drive to the park where they met the lady who was all smiles. She took the fake meth and a few minutes later she was in cuffs. How smart can you be to dial the wrong number then talk to someone you don't know and set up a drug deal with them.

Interesting lincoln

2007-03-23T14:12:00.000-07:00

In January, something tipped off the police to start looking in an area just outside out town for the body of a person who had disappeared 12 years ago. About a week after starting the search, they recovered the body wrapped in a black trash bag. They finally solved who the remains belonged to, a 15 year old girl. She wasn't a run away, she just suddenly dissapeared from her house one night. Why would it take them 12 years to find the remains that happened to be just about 20 feet or so off the road. They believe that she was killed shortly after disappearing so she hasn't been living then just suddenly killed. Where has her body been for the last 12 years. And how did it just suddenly show up? The man that they believe is the suspect is currently in jail b/c of another murder that he committed. How would he have covered up the remains for this long then decide to dispose of the remains? That kind of confuses me, so does that mean that someone else is involved. Hopefully we find out soon, I sure as hell don't want the other person (if there is one) to be running around waiting for the next victim.

Then, Wedn. night around 7pm, a man was walking the shore of a local lake looking for fishing lures and...whoops, there's a dead body. He was a black man with no shoes or wallet, blue shirt, green pants, white socks, black moustache, receding hairline, and a gap in his teeth. At the time, they had no idea who he was, how he got there, why he was there, what happened to him, when he got there, anything, they had no idea. Thankfully, his fingerprints helped identify him. Now they have another huge task. Examining 5595 acres of the State park and 1800 acres are water. Sounds like a good time to me. Maybe I will ask if they would like me to help, b/c I would jump at the chance. Ok, so they pry aren't going to let me help since I am not at all qualified but it is wishful thinking.

This is the most excitement in Lincoln for quite a few months so I am planning on staying on top of these stories...YIPPY!!

Death Penalty

2007-03-22T17:14:00.000-07:00

So, this week, the part of the state was trying to get rid of the death penalty. As of right now, I believe that there are 9 people on death row in nebraska. Also, nebraska is only one of three states that still has the electric chair as their form of execution. Now, I am sure that even though I wouldn't go into great detail on this subject I may still piss a few people off...too damn bad, you have your thoughts and I have mine, I just choose to voice mine. Anyway, thankfully, the death penalty is still "alive" (excuss the pun) for a while longer, but only by one vote. That one vote margin scares me. These people are on death row for a reason. They murdered someone or many someones in a very gruesome manor. Do I think that they deserve to die?? YES! They know the law, they know what is morally right and what is morally wrong before they commit the crime and they know what they are getting themselves into. Honestly, sometimes I think the form of electric chair doesn't come close to what the criminal should be getting. And don't even get me started with lethal injection. Moving on, these people sit on death row for years and years and years before they are put to death. Some even die of natural causes or because of something that happened in jail before they are put to death. I think this is also bullshit. If they get sentenced the death, please put them to death the next day. Holding them in jail for 10, 20, 30+ years is wasting all taxpayers' money. In Nebraska it cost about $30,00 per prisoner per year to hold them in jail, think about it everyone, is that what you want to be wasting your money on? I sure as hell don't! Now, that this man who killed 2 cab drivers in Omaha in '79 found out that they death penalty is still in effect, he decided to stop appealing and told them that he was ready to be put to death. I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE READY TO BE PUT TO DEATH OR NOT!! The person that you killed didn't get to choose if they wanted to die and neither should you. Grow some balls and face it like a man...and save us all the trouble. Thanks

Yep, I am from a small town...Trolls

2007-03-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

I have noticed a small difference between small town people and "city" people, or at least the city people that I know. Back home, if someone got pulled over or any of the emergency vehicles left the fire hall, you followed them then drove by as many times as needed to figure out what was going on. However, when I ride with my "city" friends and I see someone pulled over with 2 or more po-po's or an accident, I want to drive by again just to find out what is going on. They are not as amused. I am not sure if it is b/c they see stuff like this all the time and there are more interesting things to do or what the deal is, but "city" folk just drive on by like nothing is happening. So, 2 days ago, i was driving home and there is ALWAYS a speed trap on one side or the other of a bridge not far from my house. Cops are there at least 5 out of 7 days a week, no surprise, anyone who drives that road should know this. As I came over the over-pass the runs perpendicular to the "trap road" I noticed flashing lights. Great, another dumbass got pulled over for speeding I thought. Boy was I wrong and since I had to go pick up my pizza anyway, I made a point to pass this scene three times...here is what I observed.
Pass 1. Two cop cars have their spot lights on the car that is pulled over. Three cops are there, with two of them holding the suspect down while the other is cuffing him.
Pass 2. Suspect is using the phone to call someone. His mother maybe, parole officer, girlfriend...hell your guess is as good as mine.
Pass 3. I think that I see another cop car there, but I am wrong. It is actually a tow truck taking the suspects car away and the suspect is being put in the police car. I am not sure what he did but it was a highlight for my day.

Then I had a fun encounter with the trolls and I thought I would report it for AFL.
N: (ugh) What can I get you?
T(1): Is that mac and cheese plain?
N: YES, it is the same as it is everyday and we are never going to change it.
T(1): Ok, I would like about $0.45.
N:(get it for her) There you go. Anything else?
T(2): What is that? Beef and Noodles?
N: Yes.
T(2): (To T(3)) Would you like some?
T(3): Oh, a little bit.
T(2): Can you stir that up a little? The top looks a little dark.
N: It is beef and noodles, it is going to be that dark all the way through, that is how beef and noodles are.
T(2): Ok, well we will take about $0.90 but try not to get a lot of beef in there, just the noodles.
N: I'll do my best.
T(2): Oh No, over here, there are more noodles over here.
N: I am doing what I can but I am not going to sit here and pick out every piece of beef for you...sorry.
T(2): Ok, then.
Finally got what they wanted within reason and gave them their other order of mac and cheese however I was ----- that close to blowing up their car today, they really got on my nerves.

And finally, this is for Kori. Did you know that Hugh whatever that plays House is also in the human version of 101 dalmations? He is one of the bad guys, I didn't know that until I watched that movie again yesterday.

News flash Cont.

2007-03-15T19:43:00.000-07:00

6. Also, I once again had a fight with kitchen stuff. At work I was pulling a bowl of water (not sure the temp but it was in a big microwave thing that heats up to 480 degrees) anyway it was hot enough. Yep, spilled the whole bowl, only got my hand and left a few blisters b/tw my fingers but the bastard still got me. So I guess the kitchen still has it in for me.

NEWS FLASH

2007-03-15T19:23:00.002-07:00

So, as some of you have noticed I have been MIA for a while. However, I am happy to say that I didn't die, or get attacked by the TROLLS. I have just been busy busy busy with work and since it has been nice out and spring break, I have been enjoying the weather or just being lazy when I haven't been at work. But no fears, I am back and ready to roll. So this blog is a catch-up blog, just a few things I have noticed since I last blogged.

1. I am moving up in the world, that is right, I got fitted for shirts at work on Monday. This could only mean that I am so important that I no longer have to wash my own work shirts. I get 6 shirts a week that I don't have to pay for, and then at the end of the week I get new ones and they get wash, dried, pressed, all that good stuff for $9 a month. There will be a barcode on the tag so that no one else can get my shirt. Oh, it feels so good to be high in the corperate world.
2. It was amazing, the trolls actually TALKED like normal people to me for 2 days in a row. Both days they talked about how great the weather was and how they were happy winter was over. Well of course they are happy winter is over, I would be happy for warm weather too if I didn't heat my house. Buy no worries, they went back to being old hags on the third day.
3. You know winter is over when...you see a fat chick (220+) in a tube top. GAG
4. No, I dont' know how much sodium is in our fried chicken so don't f*in ask. Stupid customers.
5. Just b/c you are a security guard at my store (which really doesn't make you cool) doesn't mean that you can stand by my department for 45 minutes staring at me. For one, I didn't know you were a security guard, I just thought you were some creepy guy who was trying to stock me...it wouldn't be the first time. I honestly almost called to store director on this guy b/c I was getting that scared, then finally he introduced himself to me. Ok, but still, just because you work for the company gives you no right to undress me then rape me with your eyes...trust me, do it again, I will turn your ass in for sexual harassment.

Hmm, when I was thinking of bloggin I am srue that I had more to say then this, but I guess this is all that my brain could hold at one time. Well if I think of more I will add more later.

The 3 little Trolls

2007-03-05T20:47:00.000-08:00

As you may all know now, my AFL enjoys my "troll" encounters. Even though the conversations may not be very long, I will always blog them for her. If you don't like them...too damn bad, I am doing it for my AFL, so here it is AFL and all you others who enjoy how annoying they are.
N: What do you want?
T: Do those potatoes have butter in them or are they just potatoes?
N: Just plain.
T: So there is no butter?
N: NO.
T (1): Do you want to try some potatoes?
T (2): I don't know.
T (1): Just try some.
T (2): Ok, I will take about $0.50 of potatoes.
N: K (Scooping up potatoes, weighing them out, only $0.38 so I add more)
T (2): Oh No, I don't want that much
N: It isn't even $0.50 yet.
T (2): (Now crying) I don't want that much, I can't eat that much.
N: Well do you want me to take some out?
T (2): *Sniff sniff* Yeah.
N: K (Takes out about half, tag it and give it too her)
T (1): Ok, I will take a big scoop full.
N: (scoops some up) Is that enough?
T (1): Yep.
N: Ok.
T (2): (Looking in the "cold case" between the salads and the sliced meat) Is that meatloaf cold?
N: Um, yeah it is in the cold case!
T (2): Oh, really? Ok. (exits)

My observation

2007-03-04T20:59:00.000-08:00

At work, we have decided that we are going to have a "stupid customer quote of the week". Here is the conversation that led up to this decision and what this weeks quote is.
N: Hi, what can I get you? (As I am putting freshly fried chicken into the hot case)
Customer: Um, what are your chicken prices?
N: (Thinking...bitch, read the damn sign it tells you) Well, I am not sure how many pieces you are wanting to purchase but we have a 12 piece on sale for $9.99.
(And here is the Quote of the Week)
C: (While staring at the fried chicken that I just placed in the hot case) So is it already fried and everything?
(Barb walks around the corner to hid so she can laugh her ass off and leave me there to help this stupid ass lady without bursting out laughing)
N: Um, yeah, it is the same chicken that I just put in the case.
C: OH WOW, what a great deal, I will take that.

I just wish people would think before they open their mouths and stupid falls out.

Now, for my observation of the day. As I pulled up to a stop light on Havelock and Cornhusker hwy, I noticed that the SUV in front of me have a Busch light can balanced perfectly on the bumper underneith the right tail light. Now for some reason my easily distracted brain became obsessed with this and luckily, the SUV was going the same direction as I was. I wondered to myself how long this can would stay there. I began to follow the SUV in the right lane while it was in the left, but since the car in front of me was going to slow and I feared losing the SUV I moved to the other lane and sped up. Here is what I observed.
1. The can stayed on for 30 city blocks (probably more, but SUV turned and I lost it)
2. The can stayed on for 6 large potholes.
3. The can stayed on at an average of pry 45mph.
4. The can stayed on for 5 stops at stop lights, 2 being quite abrupt.
5. The can stayed on for 2 lane changes at 45mph.
6. The can stayed on for a 90 degree turn at 30-35mph.
This was quite a can, I wonder if they drank whatever was left when they got to their destination.
Also, if the SUV would have gotten pulled over, would the driver had been charged with open container? HMMM, who knows.

Song of the day is a drinking song, not b/c I want to drink or b/c I am/have drank today, just b/c of that damn beer can.
Quitting Time9 hours left!
The day's just getting started!
8 hours left!
Til we go out and get retarded!
7 hours left!
The day's hardly begun!
6 hours left!
Until we have some fun!
5 hours left!
Okay, it's time for lunch!
4 hours left!
Until we drink a bunch!
3 hours left!
The afternoon is draggin!
2 hours left!
Til we're off the wagon!
1 hour left!
The time is drawing near!
It's quitting time!
Let's go drink some beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!

New invention.

2007-03-03T22:13:00.000-08:00

During my break from work, I was talking to my fave cousin online. She just happened to be eating mini wheats and the convo went something like this (these are not the exact words, but you will get the idea).
K: AAHHHH, I have mini wheats down my shirt.
N: EEKKKK, you know after work I always have little pieces of cheese down my shirt b/c our slicer likes to throw them and me and my shirt just happens to...um...gap just right for the cheese to fling in there.
K: LOL, Cheese tits.
N: Ha, yeah sounds like a snack you would get at Dr. John's (or some other porn store).
K: Yeah, it does sound like a snack food, "Try a bite of our CHEESE TITS, new flavor coming soon, parmesian cheese tits."
N: Hell yeah, we could make tons of money off this. It would be great for bachler parties.
K: We'll be RICH.
N: I can see it now (At my 10 year high school reunion) Yep, that is right, I invented Cheese tits with my cousin, I know it was a great idea. Oh, just wait we have a great new triple cheese flavor coming out soon, I actually have some in the car if you would like a taste.

Yep, that is how we roll, we are random but look how it turns out, it is AMAZING.

Workers

2007-03-03T21:27:00.000-08:00

So, after a LONG day at work, I began to think of all the interesting people that I have worked with since I started working for this company a year ago. I thought I would give you all an idea of what I put up with daily. Each number will represent a different person.
1. Worked there for 2 years. Changed managers and new manager didn't like #1, she would do anything to get rid of him. He was funny as hell and I loved working with him. He wrote a note that said, "Sprayed for bugs and pooped in the cooler." Obviously a joke and funny as hell, but new manager didn't think so and that was the end of him.
2. This person had been working there for a while when I changed stores. This person knew lots of the customers and I guess she was giving "special" prices for "special" people. This was soon discovered and that was the end of her.
3. Great worker, had a wonderful but dry sense of humor. Always brightened my day. Called one day and said he couldn't work there any more. Not sure why and I sure miss him.
4. Liked to try to call in during snow storms even though the rest of us had to come in. Wasn't paying attention when using slicer and ended up getting 5 stitches and leaving me by my lonesome for a while. Called in to say she would be late one day, but never showed up...poof, gone, who knows where.
5. Assistant manager before myself. I usually told her what she needed to be doing. Never worked more than her assigned hours even if we needed her to. Got mad, didn't show up one morning to open with me, called and called and called. Never answered. Called for "backup"...apparantly she just left her "I quit" note in the mail box so I didn't find it until "backup" got here. Thanx for being mature.
6. Never listened to directions. Asked questions like "how much meat goes on a quarter pound sandwich?" about 50 times in the month that she worked there. Took many breaks. Didn't do things right. If she didn't get 12 hours of sleep she was worthless. One day she was being worthless so I came in, boss told her to go home and get some sleep (only an hour early) and see you tomorrow. She never showed up again (we still have her avon order...ha ha ha ha ha).
7. Hired him and told him schedule would be done in 2 days, he needed to call back and get it. Also told him that he would be starting the day after orientation and told him when he had orientation. Didnt' show up the first day he was supposed to work. Called him and asked if he wanted to come in later that day. Said ok, showed up for about 3 hours then was sent home b/c they were sick of him asking when he could go home. Came in 10 minutes late the next morning, asked when he could go on break about 5 times, took him 3 hours to do a 1 hour job. He went on "break...which is 15minutes" didnt' show back up for an hour and a half. Then he didnt' show up friday or saturday when he was scheduled...therefore he was kicked to the curb. The best part is that tonight he had that audasity (sp?) to come in and ask when he worked next. Told him he wasn't on the schedule. "why not??" Uh, b/c you haven't shown up for the last two days you were supposed to work! "Oh, I thought I had three days off before I worked next." Nope you aren't going to get that many days off in a row after your first day. "Oh, well, you can tell barb that I am working at kawasaki" Whatever, we already replaced you. "Oh you did?" YEP. "When do I get paid?" You will get your $10 pay check 2 weeks from today. Bye
8. Been having problems with this one for a while. Won't clean coffee pots, windows, scales, put trashbags in trash cans. Been warned many a times. Finally, last night he didnt' do it again, so we just threw all the trash in there without a trash bag. He came to work...mad about his paycheck already and the fact that we wouldn't let him call in sick an hour before his shift. Told him that he had to come or find someone to work for him. Wanted me to work for him, but I could only do it if he worked my shift tomorrow, so I would have worked all of today and him all of tomorrow but he said Fuck that. So he came in all pissed and "sick" saw the trash can and walked out. No big loss I guess, already found someone else and will start training her this week maybe we will have people who do their jobs now.

So the song of the day is...Take this job and shove it...b/c after working from 7-3 the going back from 630-930 and having to deal with a fellow co-worker wanting me to make him a special fuckin sandwich b/c he doesn't want the sandwiches we already have made...he doesn't like "cheese". Hey fuck stick, take that damn cheese off, fuck I am not your god damn mother...I will not wait on you hand and foot so take that piece of cheese and shove it up you big annoying ass.
Chorus: TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT/ I AIN’T WORKING’ HERE NO MORE MY WOMAN DONE LEFT AND TOOK ALL OF THE REASONS I WAS WORKING FOR YOU BETTER NOT TRY TO STAND IN MY WAY/ WHEN I WALK OUT THE DOOR TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT/ I AIN’T WORKING’ HERE NO MORE
I BEEN WORKING IN THIS FACTORY/ PRETTY CLOSE TO 15 YEARS I’VE SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS’ WOMEN/ STANDING IN A POOL OF TEARS I’VE SEEN A LOT OF KINFOLKS DYING/ I HAD A LOT OF BILLS TO PAY LORD, I’D GIVE THE SHIRT RIGHT OFFING’ MY BACK/ IF I HAD THE NERVE TO SAY:
Repeat Chorus
THE FOREMAN IS A REGULAR SOB. AND THE NIGHT BOSS, HE’S A FOOL HE GOT HIMSELF A BRAND NEW FLATTOP HAIRCUT LORD, HE REALLY THINKS THAT’S COOL ONE OF THESE DAYS I’M GONNA BLOW MY TOP AND THERE’S GONNA BE HELL TO PAY I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THEIR FACES WHEN I GET THE NERVE TO SAY
Repeat Chorus

What's to come

2007-03-03T13:46:00.000-08:00

When I get home from my 2nd shift at work...a blog about "amazing" or lack there of...co-workers will be added. And the song of the day!

Flash back

2007-03-01T14:08:00.000-08:00

I finally got the kind of snow storm that I wanted. I wanted the kind of snow storm that closed school. Yeah I know that I am 21 but I need a break too. Since I have started college 2.5 years ago, this is only the 2nd snow day I have had. This is part of the flashback b/c it reminded me of the days in high school when you woke up, only to learn there was no school. So what did you do? Sleep, sleep sleep...yep that is pretty much what I did. Then I got bored so I decided to go out to wal-mart and stop at mr. goodcents for some food...yum yum. I walked outside to see that my car was completely cover in at least 8 inches of snow...no biggie, wipe it off. Yep that is what I did when we got snow storms back home. Then I realized there was a 3 foot high and 5 foot wide snow drift behind my car thanks to our smart snow plow driver. So, I called to see if Maintance could come help me shovle it. Of course they couldn't b/c they were doing other things I guess. FINE, do you have a shovle and I will do it myself? Oh sure they do. So, I go get the shovle, put up my hood on my coat, grab my gloves and begin my hard work. Now I haven't had to scoop snow in over 2.5 years...man did it suck...but by how sore my arms are...it sure was a great workout. I got pissed everytime that a guy drove by and just waved and I slaved over this big "pile". HELLO, didn't your mom ever teach you to help women? It isn't that I can't do it myself, obviously b/c I got out...but it is the thought. If I would have been back in high school and a mom found out that her son didn't lend a hand, she would have smacked him along the side of the head. Anyway, moving on, I got the pleasure of seeing a 6 car pileup...no one was hurt, I am not that evil to get joy out of that, it is jsut that I am human and I have an interest in things like that. Not in a morbid way. Hell, even 2 cops that were behind me drove by the accident so don't be judging me. Ho hum...so as of right now the song of the day is...irreplaceble by beyonce. Basically, this is because I could survive with or without a man, (not that I am planning on leaving my bf) but if he f*cks up, I can live without him and move on...I am a decent looking girl with a good personality, I know that I could find someone else...so keep that in mind.

To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
Mmmm to the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet, thats my stuff
Yes, if I bought it, then please don't touch (don't touch)
And keep talking that mess, thats fine
Could you walk and talk, at the same time?
And its my name thats on that jag
So go move your bags, let me call you a cab
Standing in the front yard, telling me
How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable
So go ahead and get gone
Call up that chick, and see if shes home
Oops I bet you thought, that I didn't know
What did you think
I was putting you out for?
Because you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby, drop them keys
Hurry up, before your taxi leaves
Standing in the front yard, telling me
How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I'll have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable
So since I'm not your everything
How about I'll be nothing? nothing at all to you (nothing, nothing)
Baby i won't shed a tear for you (I won't shed a tear for you)
I won't lose a wink of sleep (a wink of sleep)
Cause the truth of the matter is (truth is)
Replacing you is so easy
To the left
to the left
To the left
to the left
Mmmmm
To the left to the left
Everything you own in the box to left
To the left to the left
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking
You're irreplaceable
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' (baby! hey yea)
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)
You can pack all your bags we're finished
Cause you made your bed now lay in it
I could have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable

Work...(trolls)

2007-02-28T19:16:00.000-08:00

First, I am going to complain about the drivers in lincoln. We live in a city...if the speed limit is 40mph...please go at least 40. I am not asking you to speed, I don't speed b/c I am a cop magnet and see an average of 4 a day in about a total of an 8 mile drive. Just go the damn speed limit. And if you decide not to go the speed limit...stay in the damn right lane so those of us who do have places to go and people to see on a deadline...can drive in the left lane and speed limit. I am from a small town where if there is a slow "grandpa" driving on the road you can take a 1 block detour and be back on track or just go around them in the wrong lane...no biggy. However, you can't take just a 1 block detour in lincoln...it is an extra 10 minutes...and going into the other lane isn't real safe or easy either b/c of the median. So...it is simple...drive as though you are not the only one on the road.

Second, thanks to my loving parents...they thought it would be fun and "entertaining" for them to name me NOELLE. Now don't get me wrong, I have grown to love my name. I like that fact that it is pretty and original, not like a lot of other people's. Many people think of "The First Noel" song as soon as they see or hear my name. Then they usually break into song...and oh, let me tell you...it is always amazing...HA! I am used to hearing this song sang to me during the holidays or some snide comment referring to my name and x-mas. Not a big deal, after 21 years, I just giggle and move on. But today...one day before March...a guy comes in, I help him, then he must comment, "Oh, so you must be the girl that they named that song after huh?". Ok, first...it is almost MARCH. Second, I wasn't even a thought when that song was put together. Third, do you really think you are the first person to make some comment about my damn name...don't act so proud of your observation. If your name is BOB I don't say, "Oh, so you must be the guy they named that CAT after." I have been listening to the same thing for 21 years...please spare me if it is not holiday time...thank you.

Finally, a short troll encounter for my AFL.
T: Is that goulash?
N: Yep.
T: Is it spicy?
N: No.
T: Is that ragu(sp?) sauce on it?
N: Sure.
T: We will take $0.80 of mac and cheese.
N: Ok, it is $0.75 is that ok?
T: Yeah, I suppose that will do.
T: So, that is goulash?
N: YES!
T: And you said it isn't real spicy.
N: No, it is not spicy.
T: Well, I think it is going to be too spicy...Okay?
N: K, bye.
*thinking: how the hell can you tell it is too spicy by looking at it? And what makes you think that I give a flying F*ck if it is too spicy for you...I dont' want to sell you 23 and a half cents worth anyway...get the hell out.*

And for the song of the day...it is a Dixie Chicks song...not b/c I like them b/c I really don't, but this song was part of a big staged breakup that was put on youtube and then made it to TV stations. So here it is.

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting
I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it
I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

Revenge...not mine!

2007-02-27T15:59:00.000-08:00

Today...while watching Dr. Phil...my entertainment of the day, there was a woman who had apparently had a horrible break up. Her ex had broke her heart and she wanted revenge. So, she went to his house and destroyed everything. When he came home, he had his locks changed so she wouldn't have the right key. When she came back to do more damage...she found that she couldn't get in. Her next step...if she can't get in, neither should he, therefore, she put glue in his locks so he couldn't unlock the door. All of this gave her an idea to start a website where women can get together and read ideas for revenge. Here are a few that I remember.
1. Boil his clothes so that they shrink.
2. Have someone else on the site call your man and have her insult him while you listen.
3. Pregnancy scares.
4. STD scares.
5. Cut off all the plugs on his electrical items.
6. Pretend to be a girl he met at a club and see if he would cheat on you with this "make believe" girl.
7. Place his picture on the website so other women will be warned.
8. Write stuff on his clothing in blacklight pens so they only show up in black lights.

The list goes on and on...if you want to go to this site here it is http://www.makehimpay.net/

*One woman was so mad that when her ex was sleeping she glued his penis to his stomach, his testicles to his legs and his buttcheeks together. Now if you ask me this is a little extreme and the court agreed...she recieved 6 mouths of probation for assult.

We have all had ex's that have pissed us off, but would you ever take it this far? Oh, and just so you know, the woman who started this website b/c of her horrible ex to whom she destroyed his place, she is now back with him. Oh how ironic things can be. Which brings me to the song of the day.
Ironic by Alanis Morissette
An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic...dontcha think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought...it figures
Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic...dontcha think
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought...it figures
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...dontcha think
A little too ironic...and yeah I really do think...
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought...it figures
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

What I say on TV

2007-02-27T09:35:00.000-08:00

Well, yesterday, I was watching some talk show...can't remember which one, but that isn't important. It was about a woman who was extremely bulimic and hadn't seen her kids in over 12 years or so. Now, I know people who have eating disorders and I know all the background about this problem b/c of all the research I did for speeches in high school about it. Thanx to my high school math teacher...some used to think that I also had this problem. Well excuse me for not wanting to eat the food that the serve at school, but if you ever asked my parents, I can eat more than 2 grown men so shut the hell up. Anyway, that is not the point. This woman would go out with layers of clothing on in order to look like she was average sized. She would eat enough food that she would gain AT LEAST 12 pounds per setting...AT LEAST. That would then cause her to burb until she could finally find somewhere to purge. She actually weighed about 70 pounds. Because of everything that she was doing to her body, she ended up losing all her teeth, and the dentures wouldn't stay in...so she found her own way of keeping them in place. SHE WOULD HOT GLUE THEM TO HER GUMS...OUCH. It just went on and on. The thing that I don't understand is how she could give up her 7 and 9 year old children for this disorder...then not talk to the in any way for 12 years. The oldest thought that she was dead and documented it like that on his military papers. The daughter, had gotten married and had a baby and the mother knew nothing about it. I was just in AWWW. Anyway, that is my outburst of confusion for "yesterday" actually.

And Monday's song of the day was: The theme to Scooby Doo. Thanx to my mother and my younger sister I can almost guarantee that I have seen EVER episode at least 11 times. The days that there were marithons were HELL. So, here it goes. And have yourself a scooby-snack.
Scooby-Dooby-Doo, Where Are You?We got some work to do now.Scooby-Dooby-Doo, Where Are You?We need some help from you now.Come on Scooby-Doo, I see youpretending you got a sliverBut you're not fooling me'cause I can see, the way you shake and shiver.You know we got a mystery to solveSo Scooby-Doo be ready for your act[Scooby-Doo] Uh-uh Uh-uhDon't hold back!And Scooby-Doo if you come through you;re going to have yourself a Scooby Snack!That's a fact!Scooby-Dooby-Doo, where are youYou're ready and you're willingIf we can count on youScooby-Doo, I know you;ll catch that villian.

The night the lights went out...In Lincoln?

2007-02-25T12:53:00.000-08:00

As you all well know...yesterday was a stormy day all over in nebraska. Lincoln however, didn't get the blizzard stuff b/c out snow was too damn heavy. It stood 3 inches off the power lines and even higher on everything else. Anyway, I went to be thinking nothing of it, knowing that I had set my alarm and hoping for a great night of sleep to prepare me for work. My sleep was amazing...I had a dream that I was in high school putting on a pep-rally as a cheerleader...but it was located in the Russ's Market bakery...who knows. Suddenly I was awakened by a weird ringing sound. Thinking to myself, that isn't my alarm. Then I heard it again. SHIT MY PHONE...THAT MEANS I AM LATE FOR WORK...SONOFABITCH!
N: What time is it?
Amanda: 7:07
N: Shit, (looks at alarm only to see it flashing 4:02) I think we lost electricity last night...sorry I am going to be late.
A: Ok, well I am running late too.
N: Ok, see you in a bit.
(Calling the store to tell them the deli workers will be late)
N: Brian, Amanda is running behind and my electricity went out last night so I had no alarm, I will be in as soon as possible.
B: Your electricity went out? Hmm, oh, a power line must have broke.
N: (thinking: no shit, I know what causes power outages) yeah, be there soon.
B: Take your time, we are slow.

I arrive about 30 minutes later.
B: Here already, holy crap you are fast...did you call me while you were showering?
N: Well, since my hair is dry that is a sure sign that I didn't shower before work, I never do. I shower after work to get the smell of chicken off me.
B: Oh.

Later Barb comes in and I tell her why I was late. She said, yeah, I woke up at 3:30 and noticed the power had gone out...thought about calling you but didn't want you to get mad. Next time...CALL, I HATE being late, b/c then we get behind and I get cranky. Anyway, that is all for the whole work thing. But it has been over 3 years since I have lost power b/c of winter weather...it was kinda exciting.

Now, I have also decided today that I am going post a "Song of the Day" each day. This will be a song that for some reason I cannot get out of my head.
Todays song is the theme to FRESH PRINCE. It goes like this...if you didnt' know.
Now... this is a story all about how
my life got flipped, turned upside down,
and I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air
In... West Philidelphia born and raised
on the playground is where I spent most of my days,
chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool
and all shooting some b-ball outside the school
When a couple of guys said "we're up to no good"
started making trouble in my neighborhood,
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
she said "you're movin' with your uncle and auntie in Bel-Air"
I whistled for a cab and when it came near
the license plate said "fresh" and had dice in the mirror,
if anything I could say this cab was rare
but I though now forget it, yo home to Bel-Air
I pulled up to a house about seven or eight
and I yelled to the cabby "yo home, smell ya later,"
I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there
to settle my throne as the prince of Bel-Air

Not sure why but every time I thought about cold (chillin maybe) or relax...this song popped into my head...no matter what song I was currently listening too.

pic for other post...i hope

2007-02-24T19:46:00.000-08:00

Ads strike up my random thinking

2007-02-24T19:36:00.000-08:00

So, as I was going thru Kori's ads today...they were all about menstral crap.
Apparently, there is a little something called a DivaCup. It looks like a funnel with a closed end. I guess you insert it like a tampon with the big part up and the closed end down. Then you just pull it out and everything is there...IN THE LITTLE CUP. And you just pour it out, rinse it and REUSE it...there is something wrong with that if you ask me. Oh yeah, and it somes in different sizes and models...why haven't I ever heard of this before? Do I live a sheltered life? Anyway, the other thing I found funny is in the picture. This is a form of panty liner you can wear with or without panties. Pretty sexy I guess. Where do ppl come up with these things? They are so inventive.

Chicken, Cow, or Bull??

2007-02-24T19:07:00.000-08:00

Today at work I had to make our "special" chicken salad b/c we just started making it and I am one of the only 2 who know how to make it. While making it, I have to "pick" chicken, which is where you take the skin and bones off the whole roaster chickens for those who don't know. Amanda and I ended up having an interesting conversation...that went something like this.
N: Sometimes I feel kinda violent when I am picking chicken.
A: Why? The chickens are already dead...and cooked!
N: Well I know, but I just rip it's back off, then tear its legs off, strip it naked, and pull it's boobies apart...only to chop the meat into salad.
A: Yeah, I wouldn't want to be a chicken.
N: If there is an after-life, I don't want to be a chicken or a cow.
A: Huh?
N: Think about it, you are raised to be eaten...that is all.
A: Yeah, I don't think I would like that either...and that is pretty much the only outcome.
N: Cows just walk around in their own poo, eating, chewing cud and pooping....yuck.
A: But being a bull wouldn't be too bad b/c then you just get to have sex all the time with any cow you want.
N: Oh, good point...but if I was a bull I would want to be a rodeo bull, they get treated real great...as far as farm animals go I think.

And that my friends is what we talked about tonight. So, if you had to choose b/tw the three which would you be?

Trolls background

2007-02-23T18:43:00.000-08:00

So, on Sunday, I talked to an older lady that has lived just a few houses away from the "trolls". Apparently, they do live somewhere, the mother and oldest daughter live in a little one bedroom house and the younger sister lives in her own apartment b/c she doesn't like the older sister. Anyway, here are a few facts that I learned about them.
1. They take their spounge baths in sinks in the HyVee restrooms.
2. The reason that they don't buy much to eat is b/c they eat their dinner from the "samples" that each department puts out.
3. The used to take the plastic silver wear when it was just setting out for ppl to get even if they didn't buy anything.
4. The younger sister is the one that drives the car so the other two just have to put up with her in order to get to places.
5. They say that our water is the best water ever and their water at their house just has too much rust in it.
6. The utility ppl have asked neighbors if anyone even lives in their house b/c they don't use enough electricity to be noticed.
7. No one knows how they get their money.
8. When the father was still alive, the mother and father would sit in the front of their car and the sisters would sit in the back...as close to the car door as possible so they could be as far away from one another as possible.
I may have been told more, but can't recall it right now. However, as I find more out I will keep you informed. And, since I am already against using public restrooms, after learning that they wash in those sinks, I am even more against using public restrooms.

To top off my day, the trolls decided to grace us with there presinces. They first asked if the cheese in the mac and cheese was mild. I responded by saying, "It is the same mac and cheese you buy everyday, if you liked it yesterday, you will like it today." Yep, they ended up buying some...60 cents worth. Then they asked why we put saige in our pot roast...which we don't, we never have, we just cook it and put it in the hotcase...it is just plain pot roast. I told them that there was no saige in it. They argued, "Yes, there was last time we got some." First, I know for a fact that they have never bought our pot roast before...it is too expensive for them. Next, I know that there has never been saige in our pot roast...and how do I know...b/c I have worked everyday that we have have pot roast and I was the one to prepare it. Surpisingly, after i told them this, they sill bought 72 cents worth. Then to top it all off they bought 3 slices of yellow american cheese.

Have to give you guys a little background info for you to get the whole effect of what happened today. There are these three ladies...either 3 sisters or a mother and 2 daughters...we are not sure. Anyway, they are about 4 and a half feet tall, pry weight 80 pounds. They always wear the same clothes...sturup pants, and the shoes that nana used to wear. Anyway, they smell horrible, don't brush their teeth, so when they talk, it about knocks you on your ass. Honestly...I can stand lots of bad smells, but they about kill me. Everyday they come into the store and buy paper towels (2 rolls), crackers, pudding, 50 cents worth of mac and cheese (which pisses me off daily), take note that we haven't changed mac and cheese since I started working there...it is the same kind everyday...and new everyday, but they seem to think that it is rotten, different etc. Or they will ask for a THIN slice of bologna FROM A NEW PACKAGE...I AM NOT OPENING A NEW PACKAGE FOR YOU LITTLE TROLLS (that is what we call them). Anyway, they are huge pain in the asses and rumor has it that they live in the car...but I am not sure.
Anyway, now that you are filled in, back to todays incident. After getting their 50 cents of mac and cheese and 40 cents of potato salad...without the red things (b/c apparently those are hot...even though they are red peppers and are sweet) anywho, they went to the front to check out. Allen is one of the old guys that sacks groceries...apparently one of the little trolls doesn't like Allen's cologne. She started to cry...literally, and threw a fit. She didn't want him anywhere near her stuff b/c she says that his cologne least that smell on all her food...WTF? Anyway, after she cried for a while, we got her a different sacker and got her the hell out of the store.

thoughts and observations (maybe offending to some)

2007-02-23T13:23:00.000-08:00

This may be long and pointless...but deal with it, you never know, you may enjoy it.
1. This morning while at work, there was a larger gentlemen (5'10" pry 250ish) looking at our choices in the hotcase.
N: Hi, what can I get you?
Customer: Hmm, none of this fattening fried chicken on sale?
N: Nope, not today.
N: (thinking to myself) Hey fat ass, I am sure that your high cholesterol, high blood pressure, clogged arteries, and bones and thanking me for not adding more weight to your body. IT CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE. Why are you getting fried food? There are salads right there...think about it.
C: Guess I will take a pound and a half of gizzards.
N: (thinking) Don't blame me when you die of a heart attack in the next week.
N: Ok, here you go sir have a great day.

2. This one is for you AFL. So today the trolls came in (for you who don't know about them, I will soon be adding the background about the trolls so you can catch up).
T: Is that pot roast the same as always with no seasoning?
N: Yes, we use the same stuff every time we put it in the hot case, we don't change carriers.
T: Can we get about...oh...0.80 cents?
N: .80cents?
T: Yeah.
*Note: pot roast is $5 a pound so $0.80 is about 0.14 of a pound...if that, basically a mouthful.
N: Ok.
T: Oh, can we get that big chunk right there?
N: That will be more than 0.80 cents.
T: Well how much is it?
N: About $1.
T: Well, ok just go with 0.80 cents...but don't get too much of that greasy stuff.
N: It is the juice from the meat...not greasy stuff...I can't wring it all out for you.
T: Ok.
T: Can we get a spoon full of Mac and Cheese?
N: Ok, how much?
T: A spoon full, but mix it up b/c it looks to watery.
N: Ugh, ok.
N: *Gives them their stuff and runs the other way*

3. While driving home, there was a older blue pickup that some kid had tried to "fix up and hotrod". As he sat beside me at the stoplight, he reved his engine...virrum virrum. I look at him with the look that says...I am not impressed, can you keep it down? Your pickup doesn't even sound good and is giving me a headache. As the light turns green he "races" me off the line. I slowly increase my speed at a normal rate...doing nothing that I wouldn't do any other time. Once again, NOT IMPRESSED, all you are doing is burning up gas that is causing the green house effect to be worse. Way to help ruin the earth just b/c you think you are cool. The only way a car is going to impress me (as most know obviously from looking at my car) is if it is a corvette and not one from the '80's or 90's. Now THAT will impress me just b/c I love those cars and know that I would look hot driving one. But, to make the drive home even more interesting...there was another "hotrodder". This one was a baby blue, early '90's, datsan pickup. As he reved his engine it was obvious that there was a huge hole in the exhaust, and there was a knock in the engine...pry not good buddy...maybe you should lay off the "rodding". The paint was dirty and rusting and as I examined the pickup more...there were standard sized datsan tires on the front and big "farmer" tires on the back. What an idiot. I just sat there and laughed. Then when the light turned green, he zoomed ahead and started weaving in and out of traffic. For the 3rd time...NOT IMPRESSED, will enjoy having accident material to look at a few blocks ahead...thanks. Oh boys...cars aren't that cool unless you are going thru a mid-life crisis. Otherwise...save your money for something important like a college education...and your future family...which if there are more females out there like me...you won't be having if you keep that stupid pickup. Sorry if that offended anyone, but that is just how I feel.